"42" - Morals from Jackie Robinson's Biopic

If you haven't seen 42 yet, GO SEE IT.

You don't have to be a sports fan to enjoy it (I don't even know all the rules of baseball). I think it's a very poignant and entertaining movie that fans of any genre would enjoy, even more so because it is based on a true story of heroism and triumph - the story of how Jackie Robinson became the first African American major league baseball player since the 1880s (42 is his uniform number, not the year he joined). The acting and directing are superb.

42 plunges you into the uncomfortable and dark corners of American history, close enough to be within our grandparents' lifetimes. It subtly and powerfully portrays how legalized racial segregation (aka "Jim Crow" laws) permeated every aspect of every American's life, regardless of race. The whole country was swept up in a mob mentality and socialized to believe and enforce the centuries-old false truth that white is superior and black is inferior.

I'm going to try a new approach to analyzing the moral(s) of a movie. Instead of picking one major one to expound on, I'm going to give snippets of thoughts on multiple ones. There are SO many good moments and lessons worth mentioning. These are just the ones that were most touching to me:

Have the Inner Strength NOT to Fight Back

When executive Branch Rickey calls Robinson into his office to offer him a chance to play for his team(s), he squarely lays out all the persecution he will have to face as the only black man. Robinson retorts, "You mean, you want someone who doesn't have the guts to fight back?" Rickey returns with, "No! I want someone who has the guts not to fight back." The distinction is subtle but significant. The natural [weaker] man will react on impulse and likely lash out at his offenders; the [stronger] self-controlled man will not be so easily provoked but think before he acts, and therefore avoid reacting rashly. Rickey even used explicit biblical quotations, namely "turn the other cheek" (Matthew 5:39).

"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city." (Proverbs 16:32)

I also like this quote by Elizabeth Kenny: "He who angers you conquers you."

Racism is Socialized, Not Instinctive

Bessie Delaney said, "Only little children and old folks tell the truth." In one scene, a colorblind white boy goes to a game with his father, excited to see the new star play. His eyes light up as soon as Robinson steps onto the field, but every [white] person around him heckles the player. The boy looks sad/scared/confused at first but then joins in the derision. It is a heartbreaking moment during which we see how quickly the ugliness of racism is indoctrinated into a person's mind through sheer social force. I love how this movie uses children to show that racism is a completely unnatural creation of humans; it was not given to us at birth as a divine heritage. In fact, it goes against our natural moral compass of right and wrong. As repeated throughout scripture, "God is no respecter of persons" (Acts 10:34), which means He does not favor one above another but loves us all equally as His children.

Those Who Speak the Loudest Are Not Always Right

I loved the moments in the movie when a white man, a stranger or a teammate, would quietly express his support for or publicly defend Robinson. I'm touched by the moviemakers' sensitivity to the complexity of the times. Not all whites were racists; racism was defended by those who were the most outspoken and violent about it - the low-minded mobs, the prideful policemen, the belligerent baseball fans. One of Shakespeare's acute aphorisms applies here: "The empty vessel makes the loudest sound." Many whites kept quiet because they would otherwise be persecuted as a "n***** lover" and risk their safety, as well as their family's. It's easy to ridicule them for being cowardly and passive, but what would we have done if we lived in those circumstances?? It's hard to say, but I do believe that one of the reasons legalized racism lasted so long in this country is because "all it takes for evil to succeed is for a few good men to do nothing" (Edmund Burke).

A Strong Marriage Will Get You Through Anything

One of the first things God did for Adam was give him a wife, for -

"the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." (Genesis 2:18)

Unlike many marriages of famous men, Robinson's marriage to his wife Rachel was faithful, loyal, and true. And I couldn't find any accounts of the contrary in their real lives. She supported him through his baseball career and all the mistreatment it came with, and I'm sure he supported her as she pursued her nursing career and later taught at Yale. They had 3 children together and stayed married until his death. That's the kind of love and devotion I want in a marriage.

Hatred Only Hurts the Haters

The movie shows that the hatred that drives racisim is a poison that seeps through all areas of life. A good quote by Coretta Scott King (who confronted hatred strong enough to kill her husband, Martin Luther King, Jr.) is, "Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated." Some of the biggest persecutors of Robinson shown in the movie (played by Ryan Merriman and Alan Tudyk) saw their careers decline later on, while Robinson - the hatED - went on to great success. I think people like them put so much energy into hating others that they don't have enough to improve their own lives. Wendell Berry wrote an insightful book called The Hidden Wound (1989) to awaken white people to how much they were hurting themselves and society while persecuting and discriminating against blacks.

Change the World without Changing Yourself

This may sound completely divergent from the famous quote by Gandhi: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." The way I interpret that is, if you want to see change happen in the world, it has to start with you. I totally agree with that, and I think this quote from 42 just takes it further. The moral here is as we gain fame (and maybe wealth and power) from the impact we have on the world, we should not let it corrupt us or taint our character. After Robinson retired from baseball in 1957, he continued to advocate for racial integration and served with the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People). There are so many people who become narcissistic and arrogant with success, but Robinson remained the same honorable man after being a pioneer and record breaker in race relations and baseball.

Journey of 15 Career Options

Everyone remembers being asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Like most people, my answer changed through the years. It's interesting to think about how many careers I honestly considered - whether for days or years - and the drawbacks that outweighed my passion for that field of work. Being the listmaking and self-reflecting person I am, I thought it'd be fun to articulate all of my past career considerations...

Paleontologist
Inspiration: I got a dinosaur book for Christmas in 2nd grade (I asked for books) and was absolutely fascinated. I thought how cool it would be to study them.
Turnoffs: Dirtiness. Loneliness. As I read more, I realized that most of their time was spent either digging in some dusty desert or studying bones in a dimly lit lab. I guess I just liked the colorful illustrations and imagining what it'd be like to "meet" some of these creatures.

Dermatologist
Inspiration: I had really bad acne in junior high and studied a lot of books/magazines about how to treat it. I also experimented with alot of different treatments on my own face, including homemade facials. Proactiv has been the most effective solution I've tried and I've been using it for years. I know firsthand how much acne can inhibit a person's confidence and self-image so I wanted to help others treat their acne problems.
Turnoffs: Grossness - I borrowed a book from the library about dermatology and was immediately grossed out by all the pictures of moles, rashes, infections, etc. I realized there's alot more to dermatology than treating acne and decided I didn't want to be grossed out all day, everyday at work.

Makeup Artist
Inspiration: After I got some of my acne under control, I got into makeup books - especially by Bobbi Brown and Kevin Aucoin - and started experimenting on my face. I became intrigued by how much makeup could change one's look.
Turnoffs: Lack of intellectual stimulation. Low pay. Working with vain/superficial people. Physical strain of standing & leaning all day.

Fitness Trainer
Inspiration: I started reading Self magazine after watching Wish Upon a Star because all the popular girls in the movie read it. Haha how impressionable teenage girls are! Every issue has alot of fitness tips and moves to try. They publish a fitness challenge every summer, which I did for a couple years in junior high. I loved feeling lean and strong.
Turnoffs: Low pay. [Often] no benefits. Job instability - I'd love to get paid for working out everyday and teaching classes, but what if I got sick or injured? I couldn't deal with that kind of professional vulnerability.

Nutritionist
Inspiration: Also spurred by reading Self magazine. I restricted my calories, measured my meals, ate foods I didn't like...all that jazz. My mom is always reading up on the latest nutrition news and telling me to eat more of this or that to get a certain nutrient. I found I also liked teaching others how to take better care of their bodies.
Turnoffs: Science - I quickly realized how much of it I had to know and be good at to be a good nutritionist. I had no interest in and barely got through my science classes, so this option was out.

Movie Critic
Inspiration: I first got interested in old movies (1920s-60s) from reading Life is a Movie Starring You in 6th grade, arguably and embarrassingly the most influential book in my life except for the scriptures. I found that I really enjoyed analyzing and critiquing them.
Turnoffs: No market - as I started watching the more recent movies on the American Film Institute's top movies lists, I realized I prefer the older movies and nobody would pay me to critique old movies haha. Also, as my own moral standards were validated by joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at age 18, I realized there are LOTS of violent, profane, erotic, and plain idiotic movies I shouldn't and wouldn't want to watch.

Motivational Speaker
Inspiration: As my self-esteem blossomed in my late teens from the influence of various role models and I got more comfortable being in front of an audience through joining Concert Choir in 11th grade, I thought of how fulfilling it would be to travel the country uplifting impressionable youth.
Turnoffs: Instability from excessive traveling and difficulty of raising a family, especially while the children are young.

Food Taster
Inspiration: Samantha Brown's show on the Travel Channel because my mom watched it all the time and we both envied her exciting world-trotting lifestyle sampling different foods and cultures. Also, I'm obsessed with the Food Network. I always try free food samples. I can happily spend hours in the grocery store.
Turnoffs: Aversion to raw meat and certain shellfish (clams, mussels & oysters...but I love shrimp, crab & lobster). Word of Wisdom - Mormons don't drink alcohol, coffee, or tea. I'm also a wimp when it comes to spicy foods - I'm working on that. These personal preferences & religious commandments rule out alot of dishes & cuisines!

Stage Musical Performer
Inspiration: It was also Life is a Movie Starring You that got me into old musicals. Singing, dancing, and acting looked so fun!
Turnoffs: I stink at acting - I barely passed my 8th grade drama class and never tried acting again. Financial instability. Competitiveness - I would be so physically and emotionally exhausted by a life of constant auditioning. Extensive traveling - again, difficult to raise a family.

Jazz Singer
Inspiration: I found out I could sing in high school and joined Concert Choir, then Jazz Choir. I'd love to sing my favorite jazz vocal standards on a stage, accompanied by a terrific band, and to a captive audience.
Turnoffs: Same reasons as being Stage Musical Performer. Plus I didn't know of any Asian jazz singers and wasn't sure if I'd be successful as the first one!

Professional Dancer
Inspiration: I got into ballroom dancing in 12th grade and continued full throttle at BYU. I became obsessed with the glamour and wanted to explore my own potential as a dancer.
Turnoffs: Excruciatingly long rehearsals - a requisite for any successful artist. Prone to injuries. Immodest dresses are expected. Again, extensive traveling - difficult to raise a family. Pressure to stay in fabulous shape all the time. Unsustainable - either quit after a few years to focus on raising a family or never have children or be an absent parent.

High School History Teacher
Inspiration: I adored my American history teachers. I wanted to inspire teens during their formative years to care about and even love learning about American history.
Turnoffs: Pesky intrusive parents that keep teachers from teaching what needs to be taught. Fear of not being able to reach out to and have a positive impact on wayward students. Low pay. The messy public school system. These may be short-sighted but...I didn't like how strict the class schedules were in the major because it would keep me from participating in the BYU Ballroom Dance Company. I don't regret not going into that career.

Academic Advisor
Inspiration: I had a great advisor at BYU and I found that I really enjoyed "counseling" my friends about their academic/career choices.
Turnoffs: Schedule inflexibility and overtime - usually a 9am-5pm job with extra hours on the weekends and evenings for events. Lack of opportunities to learn and grow in the humanities.

Career Counselor
Inspiration: I've had some miserable periods of job searching during which I learned the hard way what works and what doesn't. I feel like those experiences have helped me serve others by sharing my resume, cover letter, and interviewing skills. It directly correlated with my personal mission statement, which I created early in college: "To inspire and empower others in reaching their goals and fulfilling their potential."
Turnoffs: Same as being an Academic Advisor, though both may be fun side jobs.

So what the heck AM I going to be when I grow up?? Well I've been in denial for some years but as I've become more true to my interests, skills, and personality and researched the career option, I've decided to pursue as career as...

American Studies Professor!
Inspiration: American Studies was the only major at BYU that didn't have any "turnoffs" for me. I declared it my freshman year after taking American Heritage (which almost every student dreaded but I loved and later became a TA for it) and loved it wholeheartedly for these reasons:

Flexibility - except for a few general requirements, the rest of the credits were free for me to use on an enormous selection of classes across multiple departments. This meant I can arrange my schedule each semester around my dance classes (which I took an average of 3-4 each semester).

Variety - we could take America-related classes in these departments: history, English, economics, political science, music, religion, sociology, and humanities.

Personalization - I was able to only take classes in the subjects that interested me.

Turnoffs: Although American higher education is under extreme scrutiny and in a mess of a revolution in so many ways, I want to be a college professor for these reasons:

Again, Flexibility - Despite my academic and scholarly ambitions, I want to be a wife and mother more than anything. Those are 2 roles that are eternal and thus immeasurably significant. Except for a few hours on campus teaching classes and advising students, being a professor will allow me to work almost any time of the day from home, which allows for easier coordination of family time.

Authenticity - True to our generation's philosophy to "Do what you love, the money will follow", I've been exploring what I naturally love to do and can get people to pay me for. So during idle times, (besides dancing, trying new foods, going to concerts, playing piano, etc.) I've observed that I naturally like to read/learn, chew over ideas, come up with my own opinions/insights, and discuss and share it with others through stimulating intellectual conversations or writing about it and receiving feedback. Basically, I like to read, think, write, teach, and talk about interesting ideas. As I did more career research and talked to professors, I realize this is what they do all day! Joyous me!

So there you have it. I'm barely at the beginning of this career path; my first class in the American Studies Masters program at George Washington University starts in a week! The road will be long and hard but fulfilling and hopefully ultimately profitable. I'm not afraid of hard work, I'm afraid of boredom. I don't seek for fancy titles and a huge paycheck, I seek time to raise a happy, healthy, righteous family in the gospel and the opportunity to fulfill my life's purpose.

***UPDATE*** (February 7, 2015)
As sure as I was about being an American Studies professor in 2013, I realized after 2 semesters that I really don't like research, especially lonesome archival research. What I really craved was personal interactions and helping people "reach their goals and fulfill their potential" by talking to them. So I applied to counselor graduate programs and decided on the Ed.M. in Psychological Counseling at Teachers College, Columbia University. It is an extremely challenging program where self-reflection and self-disclosure is a huge part of the curriculum; we are asked to be vulnerable and aware of our own values, beliefs, and biases so we may become more effective counselors.

I think I still want to be a college career counselor but my degree will prepare me to counsel in many other settings. I'm grateful to be in a career path that aligns perfectly with my personal mission statement, my natural instincts and strengths, and even baptismal covenant (Mosiah 18:8-10)! This career requires a lot of training and continual education, and I don't know how I will reconcile these demands with a full healthy marriage and family life but I trust God will help me fulfill my righteous desires in His timing.

What about all my other passions mentioned above? I have found that I'm able to satisfy those interests on the side. I still immerse myself in American Studies through books, articles, podcasts, movies, lectures, museums, etc. I continue to progress in singing, playing piano, and dancing through concerts, classes, social dancing, teaching, and any performance opportunity I can find. I strive to stay fit, eat nutritiously, take good care of my skin (FYI Proactiv no longer works, I've switched to Exposed Skincare). I'm so grateful for a full abundant life (John 10:10).

***UPDATE*** (August 8, 2016)
I graduated with my M.A. in Mental Health Counseling in May and in one week from today, I will finally and officially be a full-time professional Career Counselor at Columbia University!! This is happening on the 5 year anniversary of Launched by Linda, my freelance side gig editing resumes/cover letters/college essays. I started it as soon as I graduated BYU in August 2011 to gain experience and skills towards becoming a career counselor. It's finally happening!!! Dreams come true. Hard work pays off. God is good.

***UPDATE*** (September 4, 2018)
In August 2017, I left my job at Columbia to try being an Academic Advisor. I found it was not a good fit for multiple reasons and I started searching for career counseling jobs after just 6 months. After 19 applications and 16 interviews all over the country, I finally accepted an offer as a Career Director in the Liberal Arts! I'm thrilled to be back in career services where I can best utilize my strengths and explore my interests, and help others do the same. I can't imagine a more fulfilling job in the workplace.

"The Croods" - Thriving, Not Just Surviving

I got to watch The Croods last week.

There were several worthy morals to write about, such as family duty & loyalty despite craziness, heading towards the light (truth or hope), adapting to changing environments...but I'm going to focus on the quote by Eep, the rebellious teenage female protagonist - "That's not living, that's just not dying!"

Eep is part of a humorously dysfunctional cavemen family led by an extremely overprotective patriarch, Grug. All the other cave families have died off in the hostile environment and Grug constantly struggles to protect, preside over, and provide for his family (see "The Family: A Proclamation to the World") by teaching them to "Never not be afraid" (because fear of danger keeps them alive) and telling them didactic bedtime stories to show the deadly effects of curiosity. Restless Eep sneaks out one night and meets Guy, a lone teen nomad who tells her the world is ending and they must move towards the sun. Soon, Eep introduces him to her family, who come to depend on his innovative ideas to survive as their world is literally crumbling around them (major tectonic shifts are rocking their world, and not in a good way).

Eep's powerful quote comes at a crucial point when everyone sees the necessity of following Guy to go into the unknown, but Grug is pridefully staying put and clinging to his life philosophies, which are now life-threatening. Eep confronts her father and basically says she wants more in life than to just survive hiding in a cave, she wants to explore and enjoy it.

This is a powerful concept to me, and I have been thinking about it alot. I think because I started out as a rather shy and quiet child, I've always been inspired by quotes that push me to challenge myself in order to achieve something greater:

~ "I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not." (Lucille Ball)
~ "A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." (William Shedd)
~ "You must do the things you think you cannot do." (Eleanor Roosevelt)
~ "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." (Neale Donald Walsch)
~ "Happy" (song by Leona Lewis)

Like Eep, I want to thrive, not just survive. I have many native DC coworkers who never ventured out to explore the wondrous opportunities around them - so sad. That's why I named my blog "DC to the Fullest". I'm not just here to work, eat, sleep, study, and go to church (though those are all necessary and good things). I want to live as an "permanent tourist", always seeking out new eye-opening and mind-broadening experiences that challenge and inspire me. I want to continually push out of my comfort zone until it grows to cover areas that previously daunted me.

Our beloved prophet Thomas S. Monson shared a wonderful message called "Living the Abundant Life" at the beginning of 2012. My favorite part was -

"Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith."

In every major period of my life, I've strived to streeetch myself. It hasn't been easy, but I love looking back at my progress...

High School
~ Realized I could sing, joined choir, sang solos in front of large audiences.
~ Discovered The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, fought to join it despite parental disapproval, baptized on my 18th birthday - best decision of my life.
~ Parents wanted me to go to in-state college, went to Mormon college (BYU) in Utah instead, grew a ton and loved it.
~ Realized I could dance, fought to join the Pacific Ballroom Dance Company, danced in front of large audiences, gained whole new level of self-confidence.
~ Classically trained in piano for 5 years, teacher started to groom me for classical competitions, chose to play jazz/blues/ragtime/show tunes instead.

College
~ Forced myself to take leadership opportunities, mentored freshmen, took a public speaking class, taught American Heritage classes, led volunteer groups, vastly improved leadership skills.
~ Took Chinese classes, humbled by more fluent white classmates, worked extra hard to keep up.
~ Auditioned for BYU Ballroom Dance Company, failed, auditioned again - made it, helped prepare others.
~ Started dancing competitively, tried to dance Smooth/Standard gracefully and effortlessly, struggled to dance Latin seductively & flirtatiously, often looked & felt ridiculous, moved up on team, helped teach others.
~ Sang/danced/played piano at church talent shows, sang at "BYU Idol" - sucked, practiced more and kept performing anyway.
~ Confessed to a few crushes, rejected, learned lessons, moved on. (repeat during Post Grad)

Post Grad
~ Waited out unemployment for the ideal job, got good job, built up savings.
~ Felt educationally/ professionally/ romantically/ culturally stunted in Utah, quit good job, got temp job in DC, depleted savings to move there, got well-paying job with enormous benefits (including tuition), built up savings two-fold.
~ Applied for masters program at GW, hated masters program, applied to dream masters program also at GW, withdrew mid-semester from miserable grad program, accepted into dream program.
~ Moved into cozy condo in Utah with my own room, moved to DC for a shared room at twice the rent$.
~ Dad gave me a car, enjoyed it for 1.5 years, gave up car when moving to DC, now dependent on metro & friends for rides, humbled by the generous service of others.
~ Continued to compete ballroom in Utah after graduation, left ballroom heaven for DC, had major dance withdrawals (see blog post), tempted to move back, forced myself to take new dance/pilates/yoga classes, improved as a dancer.
~ Left deep friendships in Utah, made lots of good friends in DC, fooled most people as an extrovert (see blog post).

Besides the fact that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is TRUE, I love it because growth and progression are central to the doctrine. The refining process is rarely comfortable, because we are mortal and fallen (2 Nephi 2:22-25) but striving to become immortal and exalted (D&C 14:7). We can't merely sit around and avoid sin, we must also enter into sacred covenants to go out into the world to serve our fellow men (Mosiah 18:8-10), share the gospel, marry (Genesis 2:24) and raise up righteous children (Mosiah 4:14-15), and be an example of the believers (1 Timothy 4:12).

I love the principle of not only avoiding Sins of Commission (committing acts we shouldn't do), but also Sins of Omission (omitting acts we should do). We should NOT kill, steal, lie, cheat, or commit adultery. But we must ALSO serve, love, forgive, pray, study, and pay tithing. Among other things.

People without the Gospel can still be good and generally happy. But I testify - from firsthand experience and observations of many others' lives - that sacrificing worldly habits, building upon the goodness we already have, and adhering to the principles of the Gospel elevates one's life to unforeseen heights. The hope and purpose of Jesus Christ's life was to redeem and enhance our lives -

"I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." (John 10:10)

The Gospel of Jesus Christ allows us to THRIVE, not just survive.

"Oz the Great and Powerful" - Goodness over Greatness

A few friends and I went to see Oz the Great and Powerful this weekend because it looked like a very "green" movie for St. Patrick's Day -

It was, and the colors were brilliant. There were mixed reviews amongst the group...but I LOVED it! I'd been waiting for a movie that inspired me enough to blog about, and here it is! (Wreck It Ralph had a good moral or two but I didn't feel it was substantial enough to blog about. Les Miserables (2012) changed my life but I don't feel I can add anything to the tons of articles/blogs already written about it.) This movie was perfect fodder for my ravenous humanities-trained, analytically-driven mind...expressed in this blog.

In the black & white beginning, Annie (one of Oz's - aka Oscar Diggs - old flames, played by Michelle Williams) comes to his carnival wagon to tell him she has a marriage proposal (which she has put off deciding) to give Oz one last chance to propose to her. Oz gently tells her to marry John Gale, who is a "good" man like his own father but he wants to be more than that; he wants to be "great", which implies fame and fortune supposedly attainable thru his current profession as a carnival show wizard/magician.

Their tender moment is abruptly ended by a furious weightlighter who chases Oz into a hot air balloon. Oz cuts it loose from his predator only to get caught in a tornado, in which he realizes he may die and is not ready to meet his Maker, so he prays for a 2nd chance at life to change for the better. He lands in the land of Oz and everyone thinks he's the prophesied wizard that will come to save them from the Wicked Witch, who's been wrecking havoc (there are vague references to Jesus Christ throughout). He plays along so he can become king of Oz and inherit all the gold. He reveals his fraud only to his new sidekick flying monkey, Finney, although the Wicked Witch and the Good Witch are suspicious about his wizardry powers. The big difference is the Wicked Witch wants to kill Oz and take over the kingdom while the Good Witch (also played by Michelle Williams) sees beyond his fake "greatness" to encourage his inner "goodness" in order to save her people.

After using science inspired by his role model, Thomas Alva Edison, and some theatrical illusions of his trade, Oz manages to scare the Wicked Witches away and take over as king of Oz. The Good Witch tells him she knew he had it within him all along, and Oz has finally proven himself to himself that he can have a huge [positive] impact.

I love this movie for 2 main principles it illustrates:

1) REPENTANCE - I see everything thru gospel eyes, and Oz demonstrates repentance. Oz was a liar and a conman most of his adult life who was selfish, egotistical, and used people (like his loyal, mistreated assistant) for his own gain. He cared more about swimming in mounds of gold and sitting on the throne with his crown and scepter than saving the innocent people of Oz from the destruction and tyranny of a ruthless evil Witch. He didn't have respect for himself and didn't think he could change, but he made a complete turnaround because others believed in and supported him. Oz became a benevolent king who loved his people and assumed the serious stewardship over them.

President Thomas S. Monson gave a talk in the October 2012 General Conference called "See Others as They May Become" about the glorious things people can accomplish if they have someone who sees their true identity as children of God and encourages them to reach their divine potential.

"We need to be told that we amount to something, that we are capable and worthwhile. We need to be given a chance to serve...We need to bear in mind that people can change. They can put behind them bad habits. They can repent from transgressions...And they can serve the Lord diligently...we have the responsibility to see individuals not as they are but rather as they can become."

This talk was directed to the brethren about missionary work - converting nonmembers and reactivating wayward members - but I think it applies broadly to all of us, LDS or not.

I love the way the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet describes repentance:

"The Savior suffered for our sins and gave His life for us...Through the Atonement, you can receive forgiveness and be cleansed from your sins when you repent. Repentance is...a change of mind and heart. It includes turning away from sin and turning to God for forgiveness. It is motivated by love for God and the sincere desire to obey His commandments. Satan wants you to think that you cannot repent, but that is absolutely not true. The Savior has promised you forgiveness if you will humble yourself and make the effort that repentance requires." (emphasis added)

It's not a perfect analogy, but Oz reminded me of the beauty of repentance through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

2) GOODNESS vs. GREATNESS - Oz thought "greatness" (fame, wealth, and power) was more desirable than "goodness" (honesty, charity, loyalty, integrity, humility, etc.). But as he became the reluctant hero of the China Girl, the Good Witch, and her people, he realized he doesn't need to be a "great" magical wizard to save them, just a "good" man who brings out the best in them as they work towards a common cause. He became the leader they needed and wanted because they saw the potential within him. And finally, Oz realizes the "goodness" of his heart will bring more fulfillment and joy than the "greatness" he sought.

Those who seek "greatness" are driven by pride, as President Ezra Taft Benson explains in his famous "Beware of Pride" address -

"For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God." (John 12:43)

But God is ultimately the only being we need to please. And He knows better than anyone what our true, full potential is - it is glorious beyond description. It is much more important - essential, in fact - to develop "goodness" inwardly than to exude "greatness" outwardly. For -

"The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)

And if we prioritize and seek the "good", we will ultimately gain that which is "great"

"If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation." (D&C 6:13, emphasis added)

Christ doesn't just ask us to be good (Moroni 7 - search "good"), He asks us to be perfect (Matthew 5:48). But He doesn't expect us to obtain perfection instantly or permanently, much less in this life because even the Son of God had to grow into His full potential (D&C 93:11-13).

We can all develop this "goodness" -

"We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day." (Richard G. Scott, "The Transforming Power of Faith and Character")

Go see this movie. It is good.

Confessions of a Former Competitive Ballroom Dancer

I knew this time would come - the first National Amateur DanceSport Championships (big freakin' deal ballroom dance competition held at BYU every March) that I'm NOT competing in in 6 years. I knew when I competed in the Novice (samba/rumba) and Prechamp (samba/rumba/cha cha) International Latin categories in 2012 that it would likely be my last time because I was preparing to uproot my life in Provo, Utah and embark on a life-altering adventure in Washington, D.C.

Still, 6 years is a long time in a young person's life. I spent alot of time practicing and preparing for this event every year for the last quarter (1/4) of my life! I've competed in (for class and individually) waltz, foxtrot, quickstep, tango, paso doble, mambo, triple swing, West Coast swing, cha cha, rumba, samba, and bolero. I've also danced polka, hustle, and salsa; and performed Viennese Waltz, jive, and Lindy Hop. And now all of a sudden, I'm thousands of miles away...pining to be a part of the glamour, the talent, the beauty, and the inspiration again. The most I can get this year is thru snippets of videos and pics on Facebook from my friends who are still in the thick of it, or nearing the end of it and will soon be mourning with me. I knew I would be grateful for the hundreds of videos & pictures I painstakingly captured to record my whole journey.

Dancesport is only one part of the ballroom world I was immersed in at BYU. I took 27 credits of ballroom classes (and more of other kinds of dance) over my 5.5 years, TA'd 3 dance classes, performed on a team (there were 5 teams) for 7.5 semesters - including 3 company concerts and 3 Homecoming parades, and competed in 11 Dancesports (BYU and Nationals). I spent thousands of dollars on lessons, dress rentals, hair updos & stuff, shoes, jewelry, makeup, and competition fees. I spent hundreds of hours rehearsing, doing my hair & makeup, traveling to/from performances & competitions, and actually performing/competing. I had dozens of dance partners, made many acquaintances, and kept a few lifetime friends. This is all not to boast, but to reminisce. And also, in a way, to mourn.

Granted, I was never super good. I wasn't willing to pay the price to get to tour team, though I would have loved to be on it. I valued my education too much. American Studies was my major (I have aspirations to be a professor); Ballroom Dance was my minor. The numbers above seem minuscule compared to what some of my peers were willing to sacrifice to be a top ballroom dancer. Some have gone "pro" - meaning they make a living of rehearsing, competing, traveling, teaching, and performing. That sounds like a blast, but I also need more stability and a profession that allows me to indulge in my nerdy scholarly side (reading, writing, teaching). I often admire and envy my dance peers who go on to be super successful, but I have to remind myself that it was my CHOICE to leave the BYU world of ballroom I cherish.

I actually quit team 3 times. I got tired of the fakeness (love the glamour, hate the fake tans & nails), the drama and politics (it often seemed unfair why some people advanced in team and some didn't), the alienation (ballroom can get cutthroat; friendships can be superficial and temporary) the huge time commitment (hours spent preparing for a 4 minute routine performed a only couple times at the expense of sleep, homework, & friends), and the money sinkhole ("How are these $100's in lessons & dresses going to help my education, career, and future family?"). But I kept coming back to take classes, perform, and teach, because I realized there are parts of ballroom I crave in my life like I crave good jazz music or a warm embrace. I've written about it in many other posts, this insatiable yearning to move my body to music: "Why I Love Social Dancing", "Why I Dance" (2009), "Why I Dance" (2012).

But in the last year, I've come to the painful realization that I can never go back to that phase of my life at BYU when ballroom was so accessible, affordable, and all-consuming (see "Changes Not So Small" post). I HAVE to move on.

I'm grateful for the 7 years during which I was able to access so many opportunities to actively improve my ballroom skills. To add value to them, here's a list of what I've gained:

- ability to accept & apply constructive criticism to improve
- mind/body coordination - thus better self-discipline & self-control
- analogies of what a good marriage relationship should be like
- better time management skills
- learning how to sacrifice many things for a strongly desired goal
- confidence, poise & grace
- teamwork, with partners and team members
- learning to endure thru pain and exhaustion
- overcoming shyness and stage fright
- performance psychology
- deeper appreciation and respect for our bodies
- better understanding of our body mechanics (balance, weight distribution, flexibility, etc.)
- makeup & hair skills
- good sportsmanship & learning to be happy for - not jealous of - others
- controlling emotions & coping with disappointment
- maintaining humility with achievements
- inspiration to strive for excellence
- constantly pushing myself outside of my comfort zone
- exposure to and love for a wider variety of music
- better understanding of other cultures & time periods
- dance skills in 23 dances to teach and share with others

Ballroom dance was also one of the ways God brought me to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, along with gymnastics and choir. I met people through all these avenues who happened to be Mormon! Through their bright examples and warm fellowshipping, I was attracted to the Church and came to embrace the light of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for myself. Ballroom dance was a key part of my conversion story, as well as my BYU experience.

I never liked competing, but I ADORE performing and social dancing. I will probably not compete again, I will seize any opportunity to perform (i.e. church talent shows), and I will go social dancing as long as I can walk. My dance teachers tell me I will be surprised by the future occasions in which I will be called upon to use my dance skills. I'm looking forward to those; I love teaching.

Until then, I am trying to continue to challenge my body with new dance forms & genres. I get my regular "fix" through salsa dancing (because it's the most accessible), and occasionally some country, swing, and social ballroom (I prefer partner dances). I'm trying to stay in shape with pilates, weights, and ballet conditioning...because I want to always retain my "Dancer" identity by looking and feeling like a dancer (graceful, toned, strong, flexible). I am SO GRATEFUL for my body and what it can do if I push myself.

Basically, I'm trying to come to peace about the end of my ballroom career - not quite completely there yet. I don't ever want to forget that significant chapter of my life. But there is growth ahead. There is dancing in heaven! (there HAS to be - D&C 136:28) I may not be a ballroom dancer again in this life, but I will always be a dancer.

In Defense of Men

There's been a disturbing trend for some years now - Man Bashing. It was a controversial new bestseller, The End of Men, I saw in an airport bookstore a month ago that first got my mind on the subject. Then I learned that it's just one in a slew of recent books that describe the downward trends for men in modern society, i.e. Why There Are No Good Men Left, The Demise of Guys, The Decline of Men, Why Boys Fail, and Manning Up. The success, maturation, and happiness of men are being hindered in every direction - educationally, professionally, socially, emotionally...

A couple examples from The End of Men:

"For every two men who will receive a BA this year...three women will do the same. Of the fifteen job categories projected to grow the most in the United States over the next decade, twelve are occupied primarily by women."

The Demise of Guys describes a very real trend, even amongst LDS boys:

"An addiction to video games and online porn have created a generation of shy, socially awkward, emotionally removed, and risk-adverse young men who are unable (and unwilling) to navigate the complexities and risks inherent to real-life relationships, school, and employment."

An uncomfortable summary of the plight from Manning Up:

"Traditional roles of family man and provider have been turned upside down as...men...find themselves lost in a world where women make more money, are more educated, and are less likely to want to settle down and build a family."

Other gender gaps:

- Boys are falling farther and farther behind girls in school (see article)
- Women are out-earning men in graduate degrees (see article)
- Men are more susceptible to depression in our sagging economy (see article)

I consider myself a strong and independent woman; an ex-boyfriend even called me a feminist. But "feminist" in the dictionary is defined as "advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men", not exceedingly surpassing them. I'm grateful to live in a time and place where I can speak my mind, worship as I please, vote, run for office (no ambitions there), get an education, marry who I want, and work and live where I want...yep, women are doing pretty good right now. But men, as reports show, are not faring as well.

I'm not the only one who's troubled. Prophets and apostles are highly concerned about the declining respect and support of men and their roles:

"Men are portrayed as incompetent, immature, or self-absorbed. This cultural emasculation of males is having a damaging effect." ("Brethren, We Have Work To Do", D. Todd Christofferson)

There have been other recent Church addresses to buoy males up such as "Counsel to Young Men", "Be Your Best Self", "Let Us Be Men", "A Royal Priesthood", and practically every other talk during the Priesthood Session in General Conference.

Men and women are very different; both are imperfect and "come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). I rejoice in my womanhood and future motherhood, but I can't fulfill my potential without good and worthy men in my life. God made us to complement and be perfected together (1 Corinthians 11:11, D&C 131:1-4). We (women and society in general) not only want strong men, we NEED them to fulfill the most vital and essential roles in life:

HUSBANDS: We need good men to love and trust; to work and play with; to share all our hopes, triumphs, sorrows, and trials with. We need worthy men to attend the temple with. We need spouses we can serve with. In sickness and health, poverty or wealth...we need good men to progress with in this life and through eternity.

FATHERS: We need good men to help teach, train, love, and discipline our children. We need good male role models to show our children that they will be more happy and fulfilled if they are honest, good, and hardworking than if they give in to temptations and take the easy road. We need fathers who will provide, preside, and protect our homes and families (see "The Family: A Proclamation to the World").

PRIESTHOOD HOLDERS: We need good men of God to administer the saving ordinances of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We need worthy men to stand for truth, preach the gospel, administer the sacrament, heal the sick, bless babies, pronounce patriarchal blessings, baptize and confer the gift of the Holy Ghost, and seal families in the temple.

We need to support and empower all boys and men to be strong, confident, kind, honest, capable, smart, and honorable. This is a difficult and multi-faceted challenge, but women can be especially helpful by doing what we do best:

Teach and Nurture our brothers, sons, nephews, and cousins to study hard, develop their gifts/talents and social skills, and find healthy recreation.

Influence and Encourage our husbands, friends, coworkers, and classmates by leading by example in kindness, compassion, honesty, fairness, forgiveness, and service.

Praise and Appreciate our fathers, uncles, grandfathers, sons, and boyfriends when they have academic or professional success, uphold integrity, sacrifice for others, magnify their Priesthood, and express their love.

Ultimately, we should embrace the Savior's counsel to have faith, hope, and charity in all things (Moroni 7:42-47). We are all children of God and should help each other achieve our glorious, divine, and infinite potential.

Breaking Up, not Breaking Down

After a week-long break, I ended a relationship with a boy. We came back together and found we had reached the same conclusion that our differences were bigger than our similarities, and it would not work. I feel at peace, which is the sign of a good decision. I don't regret any of the time I spent in any of my dating relationships even though none of them have turned out as I hoped (obviously - my left ring finger is still bare and my last name hasn't changed!), but I don't think any experience is wasted. I learned more about relationships and about myself, and improved in some ways...and I hope he could say the same. Heavenly Father allows us to have this earthly life to gain a body and experiences that we may progress. He's promised that -

"all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (D&C 122:7)

And I have witnessed numerous times that -

"all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28 - my favorite scripture)

I love God and I know he does too. So I thank God for giving me the experience of dating this boy and share the MORALS OF THE STORY with you :)

Honesty is a virtue - Sometimes, it is easier to be honest with other people than with ourselves (aka blind spots). And I am ashamed - but mostly frustrated - to admit that if lying [to ourselves] is a sin, I was guilty. Interestingly, I noticed most of our major differences early on, some even before we started dating, but I pushed them aside to try to be open-minded and accepting because I wanted so much for it to work. And it did for a while and we were happy, but then I noticed a gnawing uneasiness that I now know comes from being disingenuous with myself - my standards, my principles, my goals. One of satan's tricks is to push us to extremes; that's why temperance is a [often underappreciated] value. In an effort to not be overly judgmental or picky, I had over-corrected and tolerated things that made me feel uneasy.

A friend reminded me that we are not told not to judge, but to judge righteously. We all have the light of Christ within us (aka our conscience, the angel/devil on our shoulders, our 6th sense, our gut feeling, our intuition, etc.) that warns us when something feels...off.

"For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man...ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully...search diligently in the light of Christ." (Moroni 7:16, 18-19)

So when I was finally open and honest with myself (isn't it crazy how satan can make us deceive even ourselves) and judged the situation, I knew this relationship could not progress. I realized that I needed to be true to my emotions and not suppress them. I needed to let the things that bother me bother me, and then honestly assess if they are deal breakers or not. And if they are deal breakers that are not likely to change, they will only escalate and cause misery ahead. Finally being true to myself and my emotions was like a breath of fresh air. Once I was able to be honest with myself, I was able to be open and honest with him.

The truth shall set you free.

Agency is a true eternal principle - You know when you ask God a question, and you think you get an answer, but then you're not sure if it's from Him or just your wishful thinking? Yea I've had my share of those. I think I may have misinterpreted my answers fatalistically. It's not that I didn't choose to be with him, but when things started going wrong, I felt like I was forced to make it work even though it was so hard and tiring. But then a friend reminded me that we should never feel forced in a [healthy] relationship. We should feel happiness above all else. And I remembered that agency (the freedom to choose) is a free gift from God, and He will never take it away from us (even when it pains Him to see His children use it unrighteously).

"Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him" (Moses 4:3)

Deciding who to marry is the most important decision of our entire lives; using agency is not only allowed but encouraged - so we can be accountable for and hopefully rejoice in our decision. This is not my opinion, this is prophetic counsel -

"This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry...Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty...make this most important decision, one guided by prayer as well as instinct." ("Life's Obligations" by Gordon B. Hinckley)

"Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joy. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations. In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning, thinking, praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all decisions, this one must not be wrong. In true marriage, there must be a union of minds as well as of emotions." ("Oneness in Marriage" by Spencer W. Kimball)

That can sound like a daunting decision, but for which I am excited. Surely, in such a monumental decision, the Lord would want us to exercise our gift of agency.

"Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without." ~Rafael Ortiz

"Love is friendship set on fire" ~Jeremy Taylor

I really like and believe in these quotes, and will keep them at the forefront of my mind as I continue searching for the person I can't live without. I have alot of good friends, but I'm excited to get sealed to the one with which that friendship is set ablaze.

I am especially grateful for my innate optimism during trials like these. The breakup was calm and full of mutual respect. I wish him the best and I hope we both find eternal companions who are more complementary for us. The future is as bright as our faith.