Introverted Extrovert or Extroverted Introvert?

Am I an introvert or extrovert? This simple question has been gnawing at me for the last few weeks. I have always been extremely interested in self-discovery, and not knowing how to describe myself in these terms is like an irrepressible itch.

Or maybe I'm an introverted extrovert, or extroverted introvert...Who the heck am I?!
(end of existential melodrama here)

Why am I so concerned about which end of the introvert/extrovert spectrum I'm on? I think it may have to do with the unprecedented comments on my extroversion people have been giving me since I moved to DC. I always thought I was an introvert, because my inner life (what's going on in my head) is often more active than my outer life (what's going on around me). An ex-boyfriend once remarked, "Your mind is always moving!" Isn't everybody's?

Although I have been working really hard to meet people and make friends - and getting more comfortable with it - I also have strong classic introverted tendencies (i.e. avoiding some social situations, over-analyzing things, and loving long stretches of alone time). So here are a few of the comments that shocked me:

-David called me a "party animal" (half jokingly, but really?)
-Sam asked how I was so "well-connected" (I thought he was the more well-connected one)
-Tara said "you're an introvert!?" with genuine surprise when I told her I'm innately an introvert (maybe)

I've taken many online tests, but I keep finding myself straddling both sides: (traits I have are bolded - you may agree/disagree)

Introverts:
Enjoy time alone
Consider only deep relationships as friends
Drained by outside activities, even if they're fun
Good listeners
Appear calm & self-contained
Think before speaking/acting
Interested in own mental life
Reserved
Analytical
Prefers one-on-one relationships
Independent
Creative thinker

Extroverts:
Like to be in the action
Relish variety
Considers lots of people friends
Enjoys chatting, even with strangers
Energized after activity
Speak/act, then think or while thinking
Enjoy human interactions
Enthusiastic
Talkative
Assertive
Gregarious
Bored when alone

How did this happen? All growing up, I was a thoroughbred introvert. I spent almost all my spare time alone reading, writing/journaling, drawing, watching TV/movies, and playing piano. The only sport I did was gymnastics, which is a very introverted sport. The place I went to the most often was the library. I spent alot of time learning about people, places, things, and myself. To this day, I am grateful for that intense period of self-discovery and self-creation.

And then around high school, I started getting more complicated (I know people change, but the WHY and HOW fascinate me). Honestly, my love of old movies and musicals changed my life. The singing and dancing done by the likes of Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ann Miller, and Judy Garland (just a few of my favorites) looked so irresistibly fun that I wanted to try it out for myself. I borrowed the musical scores of these old songs to play on the piano and borrowed the soundtracks to sing along to when no one was home.

One day, I went to check the mail and our neighbor commented that my singing was pretty good. At first, I was mortified that anyone had heard me (from across the street!) but then I was intrigued that they had complimented my singing. I'd never considered myself a singer but I decided to try out for Concert Choir in 11th grade with the goal of getting into the Jazz/Chamber Choir, which I did in 12th grade.

During our school talent show in 11th grade, a couple of students from a small local team performed a couple of ballroom dance numbers. I was absolutely captivated. It looked so fun and I thought, "I could do that." So I started asking around and found out there were 2 ballroom team members in choir. I never thought I'd consider myself a dancer but I begged my parents to let me join the Pacific Ballroom Dance Company (PBD) my senior year, and a new obsession was born. It turned out that the 2 ballroom guys, one of which I had a crush on, were Mormon and in the local ward. This made it easy for me to say yes when a Mormon girl on my gymnastics team invited me to Church in June 2005. Later, Steph told me I was such a "dry Mormon" (living the standards of the Church without being baptized) that she couldn't hold back anymore.

Looking back, I think my conversion to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints played the biggest role in helping me develop my extrovert side. I think I hadn't been as social and outgoing because I couldn't find very many friends I felt comfortable with, but I was instantly attracted to the warmth of the members and flurry of wholesome social activities at the local ward. I finally felt at home and accepted, though my parents' opposition towards my activity in the Church grew steadily. I got baptized on my 18th birthday, the earliest I could get baptized without parental permission.

My desire to be with LDS members with the same values and standards was a big reason I wanted to go to Brigham Young University (BYU). But honestly, the biggest driving force was the desire to continue to explore my potential in ballroom dance by going to the alma mater of all my dance teachers at PBD. BYU has, by far, the largest collegiate ballroom dance program in the world.

BYU is where I really opened up my extrovert side. I got on the Vocal Jazz Ensemble and Ballroom Dance Company and learned to really perform. I performed in every ward variety/talent show, including "BYU Idol" haha. I loved it. It gave me a natural high and made me feel more alive than anything else had. I miss it so much. (pics/videos are on Facebook)

At the same time, I was also trying hard to develop my leadership skills. I was very involved in high school extracurriculars but avoided all leadership opportunities, i.e. in student government. I went to college excited for a new start and ready to tackle my weaknesses. That's why I love new semesters, new wards, new apartments, new classes, new schools, new cities! Every beginning is an opportunity to reinvent myself into the kind of person I want to become. I joined the business school leadership organization, volunteered as a New Student Orientation leader and TA multiple times, became a camp counselor/mentor for various programs, and got to teach Sunday School several semesters. I discovered the inexplicable joy of helping someone improve at something and watching them progress. It was another kind of addiction. "Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve" - BYU's motto became ingrained in me. It was also at BYU where I developed my clear life goal/purpose: To inspire and assist others in reaching their goals and fulfilling their potential.

As the ratio of my introvert/extrovert sides have shifted through the years, I've seen it play out in my major/career choices. Before college, my career options included (I kid you not): paleontologist, dermatologist, dietician, aesthetician, aerobic instructor/personal trainer, caterer, writer, food critic, film/theatre critic...mostly introverted careers. As I became more comfortable and confident with people, my career options changed to: academic advisor, high school teacher, college professor, motivational speaker, and career counselor.

I didn't realize this until yesterday, but this dichotomy has even played out in my blog life! This blog is my introverted blog (thoughts & feelings, almost no pictures), which I first created in 2009 and was defunct for a while. When I moved to DC in 2012, I [subconsciously] had to create another blog to express my extroverted side (activities & adventures, tons of pictures). The DC blog is probably what you see more of because it's more eye-catching and I update it more often. But as I've given myself to my extroverted side, I felt the need to revive my introverted blog to achieve better equilibrium. I also have a private online journal and daily handwritten gratitude journal, plus scores of various notes/notebooks all over the place. My introverted side is full and active beneath the surface.

How funny that the fact that I'm spending so much time and energy trying to figure this out is extremely introverted (introverts love having ideas/thoughts/questions to work through in their heads), but I decided to solve it in a very extroverted way (also subconsciously) by polling my friends. I've been doing these kinds of mass surveys about every 1-2 years since 8th grade. It's a method I've developed for self-improvement. I would ask everyone I know to describe me in 3-5 words. I was not fishing for compliments; I encouraged them to be completely honest. The results are always really interesting. I am not a people pleaser but I want to make sure that who I seem to others matches who I am and who I want to become.

The most powerful experience I've had with this method came early on. Many people I polled described me as "aloof", "quiet", "reserved", and "shy" - typical introvert descriptions. I HATED being seen that way. To me, those words mean "unapproachable", "unlikable", "unfriendly", and "boring" (apparently, I had the wrong idea of what an Introvert is - "10 Myths About Introverts" was very validating). I worked really hard to not only eliminate those traits in my public image, but in my personality. It's really interesting to look back on those lists of personality goals, like the one I posted in 2008: "Self-searching questions".

Anyhow, with this particular self-assessment poll, I had a hypothesis to prove to myself - that I am a natural introvert who has trained herself to be an extrovert. 55 people responded (thank you!). I surveyed friends who have known me for more than 14 years to less than 14 days. Here are the fascinating responses:

Introvert: 5
Extrovert: 33
Both: 17

Most people seemed really conflicted, but the vast majority thought I leaned towards extroversion! Had I really trained myself so well that I could "fool" over half of my friends?! Or had I truly transformed into an extrovert with strong introvert tendecies, like many of these friends said?

At this point, the voices of 2 friends pop into my head:

Kyle - (paraphrased) Linda, people change all the time. Trying to squeeze people into strict categories is like denying their dynamic, unique, and complex humanity...as well as your own. (Kyle, feel free to correct me haha)

Sam - "Are you wanting to be more extraverted? I don't think it's only extroverts who are always socially comfortable" (after I explained that I wanted to have social ease as President Hinckley advised, and be comfortable in any situation)

So maybe it's not life-threatening if I can't affix a definitive "introvert"/"extrovert" label to myself. I just want to be well-rounded and happy! Although we live in a world that seems to favor and reward extroverts, neither is better than the other in God's eyes. All He asks of us is perfection!

"Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matt 5:48)

Perfect (adj): being entirely without fault or defect, satisfying all requirements, lacking in no essential detail...

Like almost everything, there are good and bad sides to being an introvert or extrovert. It would only make sense that God has all the good and none of the bad of both personality types. I think it's wonderful that the Church helps us in this regard. We are encouraged to have healthy inner lives by praying, studying, journaling, and pondering. At the same time, there are all kinds of programs and activities to encourage us to have healthy outer lives by fellowshipping, teaching, learning from, serving, having fun with, and dating each other.

Continuing with this perspective, even the 2 greatest commandments seem to encourage us to balance out our introvert/extrovert sides:

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt alove thy neighbour as thyself." (Matt 22:37-39)

I'm pretty sure that if I follow both of these commandments, God will not care if I'm an introvert or extrovert. And ultimately, His opinion is the only one that matters.