How Are We Even Friends?!

***This post is dedicated to all my friends who seemingly have nothing in common with me but love me anyway.***

Sometimes I'm slow in realizing things everybody else figured out years ago, but the realization ends up changing my life so I feel pretty smart anyway.

Last week, I made the incredible discovery that most of my closest friends have [almost] no common interests with me. Most of them cannot be described as a passionate "dancer, pianist, foodie, singer, American history nerd, old movie buff, and jazz lover" (see sidebar). And I am really bad at, terrified of, or not interested in kayaking, Shakespeare, wakeboarding, canyoneering, skiing, etc. We have different groups of friends. Some of them live far away and I haven't seen them in years! Sometimes we don't talk for months but when I need someone to talk to, they're right there. So what keeps us together??? I've boiled it down to these 2 things:

1) Our love of the Gospel - We view life and the world through Gospel lenses. We turn to the Gospel to solve problems. We share our insights and hard-earned lessons. We share useful scriptures/talks/quotes with each other. We pray for each other. We love the Lord and our Savior and remind each other that They love us too. We are determined to be faithful til the end and help each other to do so. I'm so grateful for friends who are spiritually as well as emotionally and socially strengthening.

2) They care - It really comes down to this. I've met so many people that I think I would get along well with due to common interests, but it feels strained or awkward because they don't really care to get to know me. The ones who become close friends simply CARE about how I'm doing and love me for who I am. They ask how I'm doing and listen intently. Even if they don't understand what I'm going through, they try and they empathize. The give me tough love and throw my own advice back in my face when I need it. They are patient with my weaknesses and insecurities. They believe in me and value our friendship.

Compatible senses of humor help too. I can't completely relax around someone unless we've shared some laughs together.

Case in point, Britt and I met just over a year ago and hit it off. She became my first real friend in DC. We bonded over being "3rd culture kids", our "permanent tourist" zest for life, and our tendency to photographically document everything we do. We were excited to have found someone to go exploring with but quickly started realizing how dramatically different we are with our tastes in music, TV shows, movies, clothes, books, politics, and more. But we got over our little crises and kept hanging out. We learned which topics to avoid haha (i.e. we didn't vote for the same person in the last presidential election). The miracle is...our friendship keeps growing! We had so much fun riding bikes on the Mount Vernon Trail and eating Thai food when we first hit it off that we did the exact same thing to commemorate our "1 Year Friend Anniversary"!

Sometimes I wonder how the heck we're even friends...and then I become flooded with gratitude that we are.

Vulnerability and Defiance

This has been a hard week. I am socially burned out. For months, I've been trying to organize social outings and inviting as many people as I can because I want to be inclusive. Most of the outings have been successful. But I'm exhausted; I need a break. As grateful as I am for the plethora of social opportunities around me, I am also overwhelmed by all the social options, pressures, and demands - and the accompanying frustrations and disappointments.

My heart is weary from guys who break girls' hearts (mine and my friends').

I just want to shut down and retreat to my room and focus on my studies, exercise, books, music and movies. I want to delete my Facebook account so my heart can stop aching from seeing all my friends get engaged/married, have babies, get their dream job, travel the world, compete in and win ballroom competitions, go to awesome concerts, etc. - things I currently cannot do. I try to remind myself to be happy for and inspired by them, instead of being jealous and feeling sorry for myself. The Lord blesses us all in different ways according to His timeline and what He knows we need to progress and be happy (1 Corinthians 2:9).

So I know I can't give in or give up. It is a constant act of will to push on and be positive, optimistic, and hopeful - almost literally pressing forward with faith (2 Nephi 31:20). I can't become a social hermit because my life purpose - To Inspire and Assist Others in Reaching Their Goals and Fulfilling Their Potential - requires social interaction! I am a people-lover at heart. I can't delete my Facebook account because it is nearly vital to my personal calling of sharing the gospel thru social media; also, it can be a wonderful tool of inspiration (to me and from me) and keeping in touch with people I care about.

The Relief Society lesson was perfect for me today. Jarilyn, 1st counselor in our Relief Society, gave a lesson based on the General Conference talk by Elder Walter Gonzalez called "Learning with Our Hearts". The discussion revolved around vulnerability and having a soft, open heart rather than a jaded, calloused one. It was exactly what I needed at the right time. Someone said being open and vulnerable does not signal weakness, but indicates strength because we intentionally expose ourselves to the risk of more pain. I even commented that I know it's a temptation to close off our hearts, but when we close ourselves off to pain, frustration, anger, disappointment, etc., we also close ourselves off to love, joy, and peace.

I don't want to stunt my own ability to love others (romantically and otherwise) for the fear of getting hurt. I don't want to live half a life just to be safe. I want to live my life to the fullest and that means feeling every feeling deeply and wholly - the bad with the good. There is opposition in all things (2 Nephi 2:27)! If I want the most delirious joy, I know I have to let myself feel the almost unbearable pain (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Today was Fast Sunday and I felt like the things I really needed to fast for are the most basic but also the most important: faith, hope, and charity (Moroni 7). All these are not only means to an end of Salvation, but also a means to PEACE (John 14:27) in our lives. Achieving peace of heart and peace of mind in my life has been an ongoing theme this year. Satan attacks us when we're weak, and we'll become weaker if we succumb to the temptation to give in. I refuse! I've worked way too hard and way too long to get here.

I know who I am (a daughter of God), my purpose in life, God's promises to me (thru my Patriarchal Blessing and personal revelation), and how much my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to succeed (2 Timothy 1:7).

I will fight the good fight (1 Timothy 6:12). I will not let my heart fail me (D&C 88:91). I will be a good soldier (2 Timothy 2:3). I am determined to pass this trial of my faith, just like I've passed all my other ones. I am scarred and broken, but the Savior's atonement heals it all.

Get thee hence, satan (Moses 1:7). You will not keep me down.