"Hitch" - Be Yourself, and Be Like Jesus

After years of hearing people quote Hitch and then second-handedly misquoting it, I finally watched it for myself.

I only did because I was more motivated to participate in one of DC's most endearing summer traditions...outdoor movies! This was actually our Family Home Evening (FHE) activity for the week, advertised as "professional dating advice" by our FHE parents because (apparently) we YSAs (young SINGLE adults) need it.

Super concise synopsis: Will Smith plays a very successful "date doctor" who finds out that his own principles/techniques in dating are not working for himself and that one of his most seemingly needy clients did not need any of his advice to win the girl of his dreams.

I really liked the moral of this story - be yourself and adapt to each situation and person instead of sticking to a set of hard rules. Maybe it's because I tend to over-rely on principles of human behavior (because, like Hitch, they have almost always worked for me in the past). But as my friend, Kyle, has helped me understand, each human being is too deeply complex and ever-changing to pin down to any category or generalization.

Before I became educated on the rules of the dating game, I got really burned. Instead of letting guys do nice things like carry things for me, I'd insist on lugging it myself to prove that I was physically fit and independent. Instead of waiting patiently for a guy to make a move, I'd take the initiative on phone calls and making plans. (Guys, don't tell me you don't like the chase) So I did some reading and set some parameters for myself, which I've followed more or less. It has helped me date some great guys and develop wonderful relationships, but my last name is still Flores. Ha!

I know I know, alot of it is timing and the agency of others. The Lord's timing is always better than mine and I'm willing to wait for my Prince Charming, the guy who will see and appreciate me for all that I am. But watching Hitch has made me think about what I could do about my part in this whole process.

The movie closes with a humbled Hitch saying: "Basic principles...there are none."

MMmm pretty sure there ARE some basic principles, but they are too obvious to count -

- Don't date anyone you feel physically threatened by
- Don't date someone just for their money
- Relationships are two-way streets. Don't always wait to be acted upon, and don't always be the one initiating
- Don't date anyone who disrespects or condescends you
- etc.

I guess the biggest lesson I learned from this movie is to Be Myself, and I'm really trying to be the best daughter of God I can be. Allegra Cole (the beautiful heiress) found all of Albert Brennaman's (Hitch's awkward client) idiosyncracies "adorable", the same quirks that Hitch tried to beat out of him.

It turned out that the exact same habits and behaviors that Hitch told him NOT to do were the exact things that made Allegra love him. Too good to be true, right? But there's some truth in it.

Allow me to quote D&C 88:40, one of my favorite dating scripture verses:

"For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own..."

Brother Bott, BYU's most popular Missionary Preparation teacher, spoke repeatedly and adamantly about the truth of this scripture in my class last summer. He also quoted President David O. McKay, who said that we each radiate various degrees of light (I'm paraphrasing). And since the scriptures say likes attract (contrary to the world's adage that "opposites attract"), it's just a matter of time before we attract the kind of person that we are. Thus, the motivation to be the kind of person we want to marry.

Following the prophets' counsel to interpret scriptures for ourselves but avoiding all heretical intentions, I'd like to think that goofiness cleaveth unto goofiness; openness receiveth openness; giddiness embraceth giddiness; ambition loveth ambition, optimism cleaveth unto optimism...or something like that. I've got plenty of idiosyncracies of my own. It's a miracle that two people's quirks can match up enough that they'll commit to each other for all of eternity. But that's the kind of marriage I want, in which case I should be myself, but mostly strive to be like Jesus.

3 Nephi 12:48 "Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect."

He was the personification of charity, which is perfect love, the only kind of love that an eternal marriage can be built on.

"Good Hair" - Enraging & Irrational Beauty Standards

Look what I found at the GW library this week!



Once upon a time (about 1 year ago), I was gun-ho on applying to a Ph.D. program in American Studies or African American Studies in order to be a professor. My dream class to teach is African American music within mainstream American culture. Yup.

Anyhow, Ph.D. programs require a 15-20 page writing sample. The longest paper I wrote at BYU did not exceed 12 pages so I was planning to start a research paper on my own after graduation - not easy. After much consultation and deliberation, I decided there was enough research and I had enough passion to write about Black Women and Body Image, especially in regards to colorism. Good Hair was one of the top resources I wanted to use. My education/career goals have changed (that's a whole other story), but watching this re-sparks my scholarly ambitions :)

Here's the synopsis: Chris Rock's 2 little daughters asked him why they didn't have "good hair", which sent him on a quest to understand black women's issues and relationship with their hair. It was fascinating and shocking. This is what I learned...

Black women are extremely pressured by media and celebrities to have straight shiny hair to look like white people's hair. They will do almost anything to have it. There is a huge annual hair show organized by a major black hair company to show people how to use their new products. Applying relaxer (aka sodium hydroxide, a very erosive chemical that can disintegrate metal and cause baldness) in order to help straighten hair is like a rite of passage for black girls (who start doing it as young as 3) and relaxer is the most important hair product for black people, including men. But the biggest moneymaker in the black hair industry - which happens to be a multimillion industry owned largely by whites and Asians - is weaves.

Weaves are extremely expensive (starting at $1,000 for a headful) hair extensions that are braided/tied/glued to the real hair on their head. Almost all of this hair comes from India (its biggest export. WOW.), where a majority of the women grow out their hair and shave it off to donate it ("god likes hair") as part of a solemn religious ceremony. Hair business men come pick it up, clean/process it, and sell it to hair dealers in America, who then sell it to other vendors. Some black women are willing to go to extremes to get weaves (they call it "creamy crack", because once you have one, you won't go back) - pay it through layaway, pay it before paying rent, get their men to pay it, etc.

As one black man in the documentary said, "When our hair is relaxed, white people are relaxed. When our hair is nappy, they ain't happy."

What's up with that?! What's wrong with cornrows, braids, and afros? I think they're beautiful.

I have never watched any of Chris Rock's material but he is absolutely great in this documentary - respectful, intelligent, inquisitive, nonjudgmental, and of course, hilarious. He is shocked at the kind of effort and money black women are willing to put into having "good hair", i.e. hair that looks more white. So was I. My jaw was down to my lap much of the time.

I have taken my hair for granted most of my life. I've always been low-maintenance with my hair, both because I am not good with hair (I didn't learn how to curl my own hair til the middle of college, and ballroom hair still trips me up) and because I don't want to be high maintenance with my hair. People would tell me they're jealous of my hair because it's so naturally straight (I would complain that it doesn't stay curled) and shiny (I would complain about my "frizzies", aka flyaways). But my gratitude for the ease of my hair care was quickly replaced by frustration and outrage...

WHY are women always wanting something they don't have and that isn't natural?

*White women want to be tan (like Latinas??)
*Asian women want to be white (porcelain skin) and have big eyes (some use eyelid tape to get the effect)
*Black women want straight "white hair" (although their weaves are made of Southeast Asian hair...)

Who came up with these beauty standards anyway?! Our eyes (men's too) have been trained to expect and desire certain looks.

There's a difference between changing your appearance to try out a different look for fun, and changing your looks because you feel ugly and unaccepted if you don't.

Girls are jealous of my tan skin and straight black hair because I'm in America. If I were in China, my darker skin would be seen as less desirable (my Mom was called the "black rose" when she was younger because people thought she had nice features but was too dark). And have you seen Asian girls trying to bleach their hair blonde but most of them can only get it to a bronze/caramel color?

White girls - girls in Asia spend hundreds of dollars on skin bleaching concoctions (including bird poop) to get skin that you call "pasty", while girls in America spend hours and hours tanning (in the sun or spraying it on). I know skin bleaching cream for blacks have also been marketed for decades. All of these methods are financially costly and/or damaging to our health (melanoma! self-induced vitiligo!). Why have we allowed our beauty standards to run amuk?! Can't we all just try to be beautiful healthily and naturally?

What also shocked and disheartened me was the weave industry, mostly on the India side. Millions of Indian women devotedly shave off 14" or more of their beautiful hair as a religious sacrifice because they truly believe it pleases god and having long hair is seen as vain. Ha! If they only knew what was being done with their hair in America!

I don't really blame black women because there are some major pressures to have straight hair. How "good" their hair is can affect not only their self-image, but also their professional image and love lives. From the little research I was able to do on colorism (featured in this heartbreaking documentary I need to watch: "Dark Girls"), I know that black girls also get judged harshly by each other based on how white they look. It is being rubbed into their faces in magazines, movies, TV shows, music videos, and on the street.

What is the redeeming aspect of this documentary? Chris Rock. He concludes with the response he decides to give to his daughters' question - (inspired by MLK?) "What's on top of your head is not as important as what's in your head." What a great answer! He seems like a great father, plus he's been married to his wife since 1996. Go Chris! It seems his girls might have a fighting chance in this vicious world of irrational beauty standards.

"Think Like a Man" - Men Really Do Want Marriage!

So last weekend, I got to see the movie I've been looking forward to for a couple months (I don't watch alot of new movies in theatres) - "Think Like a Man". Believe it or not, I read the book featured in the movie. It was a fascinating random find in a grocery store so I actually bought it (I don't buy many books either. I either borrow it from the library or order it on Amazon).

I got some friends to come with me who hadn't read the book but I was sure it would be a funny movie that could be enjoyed by almost anyone.

Brief synopsis: 4 ladies are frustrated with their single status and 4 men are content with their non-committed sex lives. A new book comes out called Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man that is very publicized and quickly becomes a bestseller. The ladies all read it and try to follow the advice (i.e. increase standards, ask about his goals, make him wait for "the cookie"). The men become frustrated and confused at their tactics until they discover the book one day and are outraged, so they use the ladies' tactics against them.

It was funny, but as my friend said, "It was funny when it shouldn't have been." I understood what she meant because they movie was filled with alot more profanity and blatant sexual references than I'd ever seen in a romantic comedy. Traditionally, this isn't the kind of movie I would watch, but I found the cultural study opportunity irresistible (in my defense, it was not rated R, but PG-13. I have come to the sad realization that movie ratings can no longer adequately protect/warn you from cinematic offenses to the moral conscience).

After watching this movie, I also realized what a huge effect my American Studies major had on me. I love the humanities (arts, cultures, music, languages, peoples, foods...just the DIVERSITY of human life) and graduated from the College of Humanities at BYU. Any degree from such a college trains you to analyze, study, and question human creations. I've been to dozens of concerts and movies and read dozens of books while taking notes to write papers on. Even when I didn't have to write about them, I found myself naturally analyzing the meaning behind the content, wondering about the author's intent and background, and pondering the larger cultural implications being made. My B.A. has magnified my naturally pensive nature into one of incessant thoughts that must be expressed through word or pen...

Anyhow, back to the movie. I could tell my friends (who were all also LDS) were uncomfortable watching the movie but they were politely hesitant to say so. I didn't know how I felt after the movie but I've decided that I don't regret it. It was a fascinating look into the immoral and realistic mindset of our modern sex-driven young society at large. As one of the characters said, "All I wanted was sex without a relationship, but all I got was a relationship without sex!" Unfortunately, this is the common mindset today.

HOWEVER, I am grateful for the way it ended (spoiler alert, albeit a very obvious one!). Once the ladies find out their men have been manipulating them, they dump them. The men's freedom is shortlived, abruptly ended when their sole married friend happily goes home to cook dinner. The men come to realize that their one-night stands, in fact, do NOT bring fulfillment and the truest happiness means committing to and providing for the woman you love. Without this clear redeeming support of traditional monogamous heterosexual marriage, I think I would have just been disgusted.

There ARE nuggets of truth and goodness out there in this tainted world. It just takes some digging to find.

"Recapturing Beauty" Essay Contest

Recapturing Beauty Essay Contest
February 27, 2011

Almost all girls go through an awkward insecure stage during adolescence when they are trying to figure out who they are and establish a healthy relationship with themselves. I was no different. I feel very blessed that after going through crucial points in my life and learning from them, I have come to capture my own beauty.

I didn’t really realize I looked different from other people until my makeup phase in junior high led me to check out makeup books from the library and practice the techniques on myself. I was disappointed and confused about why I wasn’t able to recreate the same looks on my almond-shaped eyes. I was born in China but moved to the ethnically and racially diverse area of Seattle when I was eight years old. I was generally not treated as lesser or different there, so I did not notice that I looked different. But my experimentation with makeup made me fully aware that I would never look like the gorgeous models on the glossy pages.

Despite this letdown, I was lucky to have found a useful and inspiring quote in one of the makeup books. The first chapter of Bobbi Brown Beauty Evolution: A Guide to a Lifetime of Beauty had quotes from women of different ethnicities and ages about their definitions of beauty. The thought that stood out the most to me was (paraphrased) “Beauty is feeling good without looking in the mirror.” I thought that was so profound because most girls and women judge their beauty and base their level of confidence on their reflection, but this woman was saying that it’s more about a good feeling that radiates from the inside out. This probably was a cause of my next phase of fitness and nutrition.

Also during junior high, I began exercising rigorously and frequently, which helped me feel great about my body. I did gymnastics in school and became grateful for all the graceful things my strong and healthy body could do. Later on in high school, I took up choir and ballroom dancing, which made me even healthier and happier. It also helped that relatives and family friends would remark to my mom about her “pretty daughter”. I didn’t fully believe it but it minimized my insecurities about my looks. I also excelled at piano and got good grades, which benefited my sense of self-competence. As I worked on improving myself, I grew to like myself more even though I wasn’t as pretty as the other girls in my school.

As I continued on to my old movie phase, I came across another influential message about beauty. Bette Davis in Mr. Skeffington said, “A woman is beautiful when she is loved.” On some levels, I find this quote extremely disturbing, implying that a woman’s level of attraction depends on others’ approval or affection. But on another level, it can encourage a woman to develop positive attributes like kindness, selflessness, and cheerfulness that will endear her to others and give her that warmth of being wanted and needed. When I started dating in college, I felt a new kind of beauty from the way my boyfriends looked at me. Some of them frequently told me I was beautiful and looked into my eyes with such tenderness that I felt like they could really see me for who I was and who I was trying to become. It was then that I felt the truth of Bette Davis’ quote; surrounding ourselves with people who love us can help us see our own beauty better.

I was baptized into the LDS Church on my 18th birthday, a few days before I left for my freshman year at BYU. Two months later, I was thrilled to receive my Patriarchal Blessing. In it, I was surprised to see the word “beautiful” mentioned 9 times. I felt especially touched that the Lord knew my beauty insecurities and specifically told me how beautiful I was, how much more beautiful I would become, and even how to be beautiful – by being cultured and enjoying the works of good men and women. It is astonishing how well the Lord knows us for I found this counsel to be true. I feel my senses awaken and my spirit enlivened after attending a concert of well-performed music, reading an eloquent piece of prose, dancing with a good partner to uplifting songs, and enjoying other cultured activities. As I have followed His counsel, I have felt beautiful without looking in the mirror. And over time, I have learned to apply makeup to accentuate my own unique features, and not judge myself by others’ standard of beauty.

Testimony

The following is an excerpt from my journal.

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father who is always near and loving while my earthly father(s) are far away. I know He hears my prayers and has a great plan for me. While I'm at it, I also want to bear my testimony that Heavenly Father knows us and loves us. I have seen His hand and His love in more ways this month. The weather has finally warmed up and it is BEAUTIFUL in this desert valley. Whenever I feel the warmth of the sun on my face, feel the cool breeze outside or through my window, wake up to the bright blue sky and blowing leaves outside my window, or see the white clouds drifting - I can't help but smile and feel Heavenly Father smile back. Hallelujah!, I want to shout! Thank you! I feel so blessed to be here - with such great comforts and conveniences that people of the past or the present in other conditions can't even dream of: my soft bed, my colorful wardrobe, the healthy foods I have to eat, the great sources of learning, my dear friends and family, being so close to church and many spiritual opportunities... the Lord has blessed me SO MUCH!

My study of the pioneers and ppl of the American West (Hist 360) right now has intensified my appreciation for the relative ease of my life. I will never take it for granted. The harsh natural conditions, the economic stresses, the religious persecution, the lack of educational or career opportunities, the awful diseases, the racial persecution, the bigoted violence, the need for basic life necessities like clean water or adequate clothing...so many in the past have suffered through unthinkable trials and tragedies, often with little hope or relief. Not to mention the millions of miserable Africans who were enslaved - their stories are unthinkably bleak and painful, even to read about (as I am in the book Tim gave me). Worse of all, I don't know how all of these people were able to endure so much without the gospel, or even without knowing there is a Heavenly Father who loves them and cries for them as well as the sins His children commit on each other. How devastating it must have been to go through living H*ll without knowing there's a Savior who died and suffered for them because He loved them so much and is waiting to surround them in His arms, and to know that all of their injustices will be justified, that God is a just judge, that their battered and mutilated bodies will be healed and made whole, that they will see all of their loved ones again, that there is forgiveness for the cruelest sinner. I am grateful I was not born into those circumstances, but my heart aches for them. It is a physical pain. I can't imagine how/why Heavenly Father can stand to watch them suffer - so many millions of His children at the hands of His other children. I can only have faith that everything will be made right at the last day, that God forgets none of His children.

After I told my friend about my conversion story - not as detailed or as heartfelt as I now wish I had told it, because I really want to use my conversion story to inspire others, as I feel God wants me to - I pondered about my pre-Mormon days. How I had learned to pray from Auntie Josephine who always made everyone pray before meals, and that was the catalyst for my own personal prayers to a God I didn't really know through my teen years, but who I knew was up there listening. I really don't know how or understand why I had such a surety that there was an ultimate God who knew me and would make my life better. But God was preparing me. Through seeing my high school friends go to church camps, have church friends, and church families...I yearned so badly to have a church family of my own, though I didn't see how that would ever be possible ... so I figured I might as well push away that hope of having a church family.

Then somewhere along the way in high school, I read the quote "God has a bigger plan for you than you do for yourself." That sunk deep into my heart and I KNEW it was true. I could feel my potential welling inside of me. I had no idea what direction my life would take but I was hopeful and excited for my future...

Summer Capstone

So once again, the Lord's plans for me were PERFECT and much better than my own best plans. I didn't want to come home for the summer but felt like it was the most responsible thing to do because I could save money by living at home, and was hoping to get my old [receptionist] job back somehow.

MY PLAN:
I was determined to get a full-time job right away, working steady business hours. Since most of my close friends wouldn't be around all summer :( I decided I'd just stay at home alot and stock up on quality family time because I didn't want to come back next summer, which meant I wouldn't be as social in the YSA branch, but that's ok. In my spare time, I'd indulge in all the TV shows/movies/books/magazines/music I usually don't have time for during the school year. I'd continue self-improvement with home exercise videos and weekly salsa dancing.

LORD'S PLAN:
There actually isn't a huge difference in every area except employment. After 1 month of unemployment, I asked my friend for a Priesthood Blessing, which promised that I would get a job this summer; it may not be the kind I'm looking for but it would provide the income. I was kind of wary about that but kept working hard to apply for jobs. I ended up getting a 10 day temp job and also a very part-time job organizing the mail of a family friend who went on vacation. Then one month before coming back to BYU, my good friend's dad offered me a job at his medical office. I was so grateful for all of these sources of income as well as clerical work experience (which is the kind of job I want to apply for).

So I only worked full-time for 1/4 of the summer but I did make some income - much less than previous summers but definitely better than nothing. As I worked long and hard for the last month, I started missing my "me time", but more importantly, I realized why God made me wait 3 months for a real job. In my 3 months of unemployment, I was able to enjoy blessings that I could have received no other way if I were to be busy absorbed with work or stayed in Utah:

- I was able to watch my little brother, Chris, grow up and officially turn into a teenager (13 years old)! I relished in going to his band concert and guitar jam session, taking him to spend all his savings on a skateboard, nurturing him spiritually, watching his excitement as he earned money for the first time (from someone besides our parents - the neighbors), being silly and playing with him (he's also developed a wicked mischievous sense of humor!), and teach him how to treat acne and take care of his new braces. He is growing up into a fine young man. I'm so proud of him and just wish I could be there every step of the way during the tough teen years.

- I was able to do hands-on missionary work with the branch missionaries by going to discussions with them. Ohh my, I loved it so much and did as much as I could because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it for a looong time, especially in the Mormon bubble (aka Provo). They would call me up a few hours before a discussion in the middle of the day and I'd just up and go! That was almost impossible after I got a job. They used me as an example of a happy convert, and I loved bearing my testimony and relating to them.

- I was able to have "3 months of unemployment experience" - which proved to be invaluable in training myself to perfect my resume, refine my cover letters, interview well, and search out job resources. I went through so many job agencies and websites, and sent probably 1000's of emails/applications. It was tiring, frustrating, and disappointing. I sought out every avenue of help I could...and now I realize that the Lord had basically enrolled me in a 3 month course in "Job Searching", skills that are crucial in this economy. As I learned, I even helped my dad look for a part-time job after retirement. I was able to use the faith I'd built in those trying times to boost my discouraged friends in their job hunts. And now I'm using those skills to look for a job on campus!

- I was able to watch some really fascinating and fun TV shows and movies that I would not be able to enjoy at school (no TV set). I read for fun (!), practiced piano, sang new songs, tried new kinds of exercise, and got excess amounts of sleep! I got more rest and sleep time than I cared for but somehow I knew it was God's "forced vacation" on me, before things get busy hectic for the entire next year. God's also right about not really being able to enjoy rest/relaxation if there is no work to contrast it.

- I was really able to help "build up home and family". I'm a convert and the only member in my family so I was able to use insights they didn't have to make our home and family more loving and peaceful.

- I was able to read and listen to alot more church material. There's no easy quick way to get all that edification, but with my unemployment, I was able to dedicate alot more time to learning eternal spiritual truths.

So there you have it. If your life is not going as planned - reassess, work your hardest, and trust the Lord to guide your ship to the most desirable destination. Your journey will also be much more meaningful, useful, and enjoyable :)

On to a another new exciting promising year at BYU!!!

Productively Unemployed

The job hunt this summer has been especially tough, expectedly. Not just because of the economy but also because I'm a lot pickier. I refuse to do food or sales because of horrid past job experiences, though I may have to relent on the food jobs if I get really desperate! I'm looking for receptionist/clerical jobs and applying online everyday...

Meanwhile, I try to stay busy during my unstructured days at home. I have close to 0 friends at home, thank goodness for Candace. The rest are in Utah taking summer classes, on missions, married or traveling. I'm trying to stay productive and stay on the positive side. I'm very grateful for my optimistic nature in bleh times like these!

Find the good and making the most of my down time:

- Lots of family time! Hanging out with my super cool bro, Chris, almost everyday. He's gonna be a teenager next week, I gotta stay close to him during these next tumultuous years!

These are some of the many pics we took on a boring long car trip :D




- My parents are grateful for how "helpful" I am around the house. Frankly, I feel like I need to contribute to compensate for my free rent somehow.

- Plenty of sufficient sleep! I'm sleeping in til I naturally wake up - usually a rare luxury! This means I sleep for about 9-9.5 hours each night. Lovely results include flatter tummy (research shows hormones released during sleep help burn fat instead of storing it), smoother skin (cell repair plus less stress), and a less naughty appetite (body secretes less of a chemical that makes you crave bad carbs, sugar and fat). I will enjoy this treat while it lasts.

- Self-motivated daily exercise. Since I don't have my dance classes scheduled in, I have to practice self-discipline and drag myself out of bed every morning (I like to exercise on an empty stomach and get my metabolism fired up for the rest of the day!) and choose which home DVD I'm putting on haha. I alternate between dance aerobics, pilates/yoga and weights.

- Quality scripture study time. I listen to a General Conference talk every morning during breakfast, then look up whatever scriptures I feel prompted to afterwards. I'm sure the Lord will reward this effort somehow!

- 2 words: Food Network! Aka educational entertainment - getting cooking ideas for college single life and my future as a wife/mother.

- Reading for fun, which is almost impossible during the school year. I'm currently gonna start Gross National Happiness by Arthur C. Brooks, who gave a phenomenally inspiring forum at BYU this last semester. Plus I have plenty of authors I want to explore, all of whom I was introduced to in my American Literary History class.

- Picking back up my piano practices. I'm learning Clair de Lune right now.

- Catching up on my movie list. Recently saw He's Just Not That Into You, liked it. Also want to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and 17 Again, but also Sleepless in Seattle and Steel Magnolias for the first time haha - can't neglect the classics!

- Learning Microsoft Excel and Outlook. It's not like I can't figure it out for myself in proper time but I'm desperate for a [clerical] job, for which these skills are critical. I went to a job agency who sent me some assessment tests. I can type fast but I failed pathetically in Excel (51%) and Outlook (57%)! But the nice lady, Candice, didn't give up on me. She sent me some online tutorials, which will hopefully make me competent enough to land some decent jobs now and help me in the future.

So there. I'm trying to enjoy all this free unstructured time but I am eager to start earning money towards next year. PRAYERS APPRECIATED!