The Art of Friendship

I’ve learned a lot about God and Jesus Christ’s characters lately. As I have been trying to emulate the Savior like we are commanded to do (Matthew 5:48), I realized that many of His characteristics are the traits of a great friend. I feel my capacity to be a good friend increasing as I strive to become more like Him:

1) He pays attention to each ONE. He blessed the little children one by one (3 Nephi 17:21). He always addresses people individually by their first name (i.e. Exodus 31:2). He makes each person He talks to feel known, valued, and special.

2) He is never in a rush (3 Nephi 17:5). He never makes you feel like you’re taking up too much of His time and He would rather be doing something else.

3) He is a good listener. He empathizes and sympathizes with others. He weeps for those he loves (John 11:35) and compliments or praises them openly when He is proud of them.

4) He serves others. He observes their needs and fulfills them. (i.e. Luke 9:11-17 and John 13:14-16)

5) He believes in each person’s potential and encourages us to reach it (Ether 12:27). He accepts people for their flaws and weaknesses but always tries to help us become better. (John 8:2-11)

6) He forgives (i.e. Luke 7:47).

7) He is no respecter of persons (D&C 38:16). He treats everyone with respect (i.e. Exodus 33:11).

Whenever anyone displays these characteristics towards me, it feels amazing. Whenever I practice these characteristics toward others, I feel God's love for them flow through me more abundantly (1 John 4:7). I've also learned other things about being a good friend by noticing how I would want to be treated by my friends:

8) Keep up with people’s lives and send thoughtful notes of encouragement/comfort when needed. Share my own experiences that relate to theirs. Share good advice I’ve learned.

9) Make an effort to be at their special events and send sincere well wishes if I can’t be there.

10) Introduce them to my other friends I think they would enjoy.

11) Celebrate their accomplishments enthusiastically with them (vs. be jealous or resentful).

12) Always respond to invitations/questions clearly, sincerely, and in a timely manner.

13) Avoid distractions and using electronic gadgets when I’m talking to someone.

14) Never underestimating the power of praying for someone else, and knowing someone else is praying for you (D&C 25:12)

DISCLAIMER: I am far from mastering all these traits of a great friend, but I'm trying, and won't be perfect at it until after this life. In the meantime, here are a couple of dilemmas I’m realizing about friendship:

A. I’m an extremely loyal person and I used to think that if I make a friend, I have a friend for life. But I’ve learned the hard way that most people aren’t like that. There are all levels of friendship and they can all be enjoyed if we appreciate them for what they are. For example: friendly hallway acquaintances; situational friends; instant-click friends; admirable but incompatible friends; longtime casual friends; attractive friends you’ll date; and friends you’ll stay close with no matter how far apart or how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other. And then, of course, there is one eternal friend you will fall in love with and marry and raise a family with and hold closer to your heart than any other friend. The trick is figuring out what kind of friend each person I meet will become.

B. The better of a friend I am and the older I get, the more friends I'll make and keep, and the less time I will have to be the kind of friend I want to be to each friend. Since graduating from college, it has been sad for me to see my friends be more scattered across the country. I'm so thankful for technology that makes it easier to keep in touch with some of them but distance and diverging lives become huge barriers. Basically, it's the same problem we have in every other area of life - finite time and abilities.

Bottom line: I have been more grateful than ever for my friends this year. They are the angels God sends to answer almost every prayer. They nurse me through my heartaches, laugh at my corny jokes, give me good advice, let me vent, bring smiles, create laughter, cheer me on, give me hugs, and warm my heart. Friends, I love you and hope to always be worthy of your friendship as I strive to become more like Jesus Christ, our best and perfect friend.