Prayer for the President

I was devastated when I found out the presidential election results this morning, so I started praying. As I searched for the words and phrases to express my desires for America, I realized that I would be saying this exact same prayer if Mitt Romney had won. We ultimately all want the same things, right?

1) A stable, prosperous economy
2) Good jobs
3) High quality and affordable education
4) Peace at home and abroad
5) Access to affordable health care
6) Secure retirement
7) Affordable fuel and healthy food

I don't think Barack Obama is a bad/evil man. I think Obama and Romney are both good men with very good intentions who come from very different backgrounds and have divergent perspectives and strategies for repairing America. Even though I think Romney would have done a better job leading our country, we need to unite in supporting the Obama Administration in building a stronger America.

No matter who sits in the White House as the president of our country, my prayer will always be:

Dear God,

Please bless the president to turn to Thee for guidance and inspiration. Please bless him to be humble that he may be strong (Ether 12:27). Please bless him with a clear mind to make the decisions that will be most beneficial to our country as a whole. Please bless him to be honest with himself and fellow men regarding what works and what doesn't. Please bless him to be a quick learner and observer of every situation. Please bless him with a strong conscience and the desire to please Thee before pleasing the world (D&C 3:7).

Please bless the president with good health and safety. Please help him to know how to handle his stress and take out his frustration in healthy ways. Please continue to bless him with a loving helpmate (Genesis 2:18) and family who can uplift him when he's discouraged and warm his heart when other "men's hearts shall fail them" (D&C 45:26). Please bless him with true friends he can trust and rely on (D&C 121:9).

Please bless the president to be discerning when appointing people to work for him (1 Kings 3:9). Please help him to surround himself with honest, benevolent, hardworking people who are dedicated to helping America be the best it can be. Please bless the president and everyone who works with and for him with clean hands and pure hearts (Psalms 24:4-5). Please help them be inspired and influenced by the Holy Ghost that they may "know the truth of all things" (Moroni 10:5)

And if "the time comes that the voice of the people doth choose iniquity" (Mosiah 29:27), please hear "the prayers of the righteous" (Alma 10:22-23), please preserve our country and "spare it a little longer" (Jacob 5:50-51). Nevertheless, "thy will be done" (Matthew 26:42).

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Like Mitt Romney, I am a Mormon, which means:

"We believe in being subject to...presidents...in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law...We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." (Articles of Faith 1:12-13)

God Bless America

Dance-Enhanced Body Awareness

I always knew I had shorter than average legs because my pants were always too long. But it wasn’t until I started dancing seriously in college that I was made aware again and again that I have a longer than average torso. It’s been interesting to hear people’s mixed responses when I mention it. Some people envy it; few people recognize the “hassles” it creates…

PROS:

- I can eat more because there’s more room for my stomach to expand
- Weight fluctuations are less apparent because it has more room to distribute along my torso
- I’m really good at body rolls because I have a longer spine to roll haha
- I’m also really good at back bends
- I have no problem reaching beyond my toes and tying my shoes without bending my knees
- Having a good posture is accentuated and makes me look more graceful

CONS:

- A lot of shirts are too short (thus immodest) on me
- Most pants, even in petite sizes, are too long on me and I have to spend extra money to get them tailored
- In close partner dances (i.e. waltz & rumba), it’s sometimes hard to follow/keep up with the guy because I have proportionally shorter legs & longer torso
- When I wear pants, I look shorter because my leg lines are shorter
- When sitting down, I often have to choose between having good posture and being a head above everyone, or slouching and being at eye level
- When cuddling with a guy (not that I do this often), I sometimes have to slide way down on the couch to rest my head on his shoulder

There are advantages and disadvantages to every body type.

Everybody has physical insecurities in this body-obsessed world. But as Dieter F. Uchtdorf said about humility, we shouldn't think less of our bodies but maybe think less about our bodies - especially its flaws. We can't expect to reach perfection, physically or spiritually, in this mortal life.

We need to remember that we are creations of our Heavenly Father, who loves us.

"God created man in his own image...male and female created he them. And God blessed them." (Genesis 1:26-28)

I have been thinking alot about bodies and health lately because I was sick for almost 2 months and was unable to do many of the things I needed and wanted to do. As I'm regaining my health, I have a deeper appreciation for all the things my body can do, as beautifully described by Russell M. Nelson, who is a doctor by profession.

Although we are merely "dust of the earth" (Genesis 3:19), our bodies are temples of God that house our spirits:

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?...for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are." (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)

No matter how many things we'd like to "fix" about our bodies, we should never hate or torture our bodies with ill treatments and unnatural practices. Because contrary to popular belief, our bodies are not really our own.

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

God welcomes us to use our bodies to enjoy pleasures like a heartfelt embrace, delicious food, invigorating exercise, a joyful dance... As Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley wholeheartedly encouraged -

"In all of living have much of fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

But like so many other things - time, money, talents - God gave us our bodies to exercise righteous agency and stewardship. He expects us to serve a neighbor, acquire skills and abilities, earn an honest living, raise a righteous happy family, be upstanding citizens...

"Present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service." (Romans 12:1)

I am so grateful for my body and all it can do, despite its sometimes inconvenient proportions and infirmities.

***
Other blog posts of mine on health & body image:
Humbled While Healing
Unfulfilled Dance Desires
My Beauty Recipe
"Recapturing Beauty" Essay Contest
"Good Hair" - Infuriating and Irrational Beauty Standards

My Brother's Keeper

I had an unexpectedly beautiful experience last week :)

I was running late on a Friday morning and speed-walking through the subway station. As I approached the top of the escalator, I noticed the guy in front of me had a blind stick. He was a rather tall and large man, middle-aged, with a heavy coat. He tapped the stick in front of him until he felt the moving steps and got on. I felt the need to slow down and stay behind him, in case he fell or needed help. But I also felt restrained from reaching out to him unless he really needed help, because I know people with disabilities like to maintain a sense of independence, self-sufficiency, and dignity.

When we reached the bottom of the escalator and stepped onto the platform, I watched intently as he tapped his blind stick until he felt the bumpy tiles along the edge of the platform. I'm sure he's ridden the subway many times before on his own but I was still anxious that he may accidentally fall onto the tracks. I stayed a few yards away from him instead of going to my usual spot further down the platform. I felt God endow me with a measure of His love for this man, and I thought, "I am my brother's keeper" (Genesis 4:9).

A train approached (not mine), and I wondered how he would know it was his train or how he would find the door and get on in time. The train came to a stop but the driver didn't announce the destination as usual, and he obviously couldn't see it on the train's electronic display. The doors opened and he frantically asked, "What train is this?" to anyone who would hear him. A few people passed him and entered the train.

I said, "It's the yellow line". He didn't respond but started tapping his stick to find a door. The floor lights started blinking, signaling the train was about to leave. I knew he wouldn't get there in time on his own, so I grabbed him by the arm and said, "The door's over here" as I quickly guided him towards the door and practically shoved him onto train just before the door closed.

I'm sure he verified with some of the people on board that he was on his intended train. I watched him calm down and grab hold of one of the rails as the train sped away. I uttered a silent prayer that he would make his way to his destination safely and in time, that he would continue to be self-sufficient and be treated with respect.

I was SO HAPPY and immediately posted on Facebook that it was only 7:53am but I had already had my best moment of the day, with the aim of inspiring others to recognize and take advantage of small service opportunities (because most of us miss them too often).

I marveled at the profound impact this small experience had on me. I felt immensely closer to God as I felt His love for this blind man expressed through me. I felt love towards this stranger I had helped onto a train. I felt the intense love God and Jesus Christ have for EACH of us, and their intimate care and concern for our lives.

Matthew 25:40 kept coming to mind:

"Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

My testimony of this verse was fortified that day, and continues to be confirmed each time I notice and act on an opportunity to serve one of God's children. I know charity, the pure love of Christ, is a divine gift that allows us to love others more than we have a natural capacity to do. (Moroni 7:45-48)

As church leaders regularly remind us - and as our beloved prophet Thomas S. Monson tirelessly exemplifies - there is no greater joy than knowing that we have been instruments in God's hands.

("You Are My Hands", Dieter F. Uchtdorf, April 2010 General Conference)

Humbled While Healing

I've been sick, on and off, for almost a month. I've gotten two Priesthood Blessings but have not healed yet even though the the Blessings said I would. It occurred to me this week that there must be a bigger lesson to this sickness...

As a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at the age of 18 (though I found the Church 14 months prior) and the only LDS member in my family, I didn't have access to Priesthood holders, much less know what/who they were. I learned to be extremely independent and resilient. Once I learned what a Priesthood Blessing was, I saw it as an absolute last resort that implied weakness. I only got 1-2 Blessings a year, and it was only when I was at my breaking point and friends repeatedly suggested it. Each time was an extremely humbling experience, and I often ended up in [grateful] tears. My earlier Blessings almost always said to ask for help, lean upon the Lord, accept the service of others...basically stop trying to do everything on my own!

As my conversion has deepened and I've learned more about my Savior Jesus Christ, my approach to Priesthood Blessings has evolved. I'm more willing to turn to my Heavenly Father and admit my vulnerability. I've become completely at peace with the fact that the natural man is weak, imperfect, and easily tempted. I've learned that Lord is constantly reaching out to us and eager to help us succeed in this earthly probation. As I've come to better understand sacred covenants, I've become more eager to obey the instructions in my Blessings in order to do my part. After hearing talks like Richard G. Scott's "To Acquire Spiritual Guidance" and "How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life", I've been more diligent in recording as much of the Blessing as I can remember afterwards as a resource of comfort, inspiration, and guidance.

This past year has been full of more risks and trials than I've ever experienced in my young life, and I've sought Priesthood Blessings at each major event - personal heartaches, moving to DC, starting grad school, my long sickness...maybe I was becoming too dependent on Priesthood Blessings?

I have applied all the usual remedies of sleep, lots of fluids, vitamin C, soup, rest...until I became so restless I wanted to run a marathon (figure of speech - I detest running). My blessings have said this period is a chance to appreciate the health I do have because there is opposition in all things (2 Nephi 2:11) and I should seek medical attention, but to have peace because I will be able to go back to doing the things I need to do.

Now, I admit this was somewhat frustrating to me. I'm doing everything in my power to allow my body to recover and I have the faith to be healed by Priesthood Blessings...so why am I not getting any better? Why do I have to go seek medical attention? Why can't the Lord just heal me like He has in the past and save me the time/money that could be better spent on studying/food/dancing?? The Lord was probably shaking His head and laughing at silly little immature me; He had to send intervention.

Enter home teachers Eric and Jason last Sunday - faithful young men magnifying their Priesthood duties. I was so tempted to ask for a 3rd Priesthood Blessing but the Spirit stopped me. I expressed my frustration at not healing and Jason said (paraphrased) the prophets do say that we should utilize the expertise/services of medical professionals, since that is a blessing the Lord has given us in these days. Inwardly and grudgingly, I had to agree.

I went to work the next day and tried to be obedient to my Blessing by making a doctor appointment. Because I'm a new patient in the DC area, the earliest they could fit me in was November 1st - 6 weeks away, which is pretty useless. My boss (it helps that I work in a medical school since I really don't know that much about healthcare) suggested that I see an Urgent Care doctor, which is cheaper than going to the emergency room. I researched my options and found a clinic nearby that takes walk-in patients and asked my visiting teacher (love the programs of the Church), Kat , to drive me there on Wednesday.

On the Metro ride home, I came across a quote in an article that doesn't even apply to me in this month's Ensign magazine:

"Latter-day Saints believe in applying the best available scientific knowledge and techniques...We enlist the help of healing practitioners, such as physicians and surgeons, to restore health."

It couldn't get clearer than that. There was my lesson.

That was yesterday. Today, I listened to the source of the quote - Dallin H. Oaks' talk "Healing the Sick" from the Priesthood session of the April 2010 General Conference. Elder Oaks explained that Priesthood Blessings of healing depend largely on the faith of the recipient but ultimately on the will of God, and that it is a principle of the gospel that God helps those who help themselves. It was finally making sense. God does want me to lean on Him, but learn to be resourceful and self-sufficient as well.

"Let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." (D&C 123:17)

I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow. I'm looking forward to recovering to full health.

Prioritizing "Things that Matter Most"

(This post is based on the principles & counsel found in 2 talks: "Of Things That Matter Most" and "Good, Better, Best")

Lately, I've been doing alot of self-assessment...

- Who am I? Do I like who I am? What kind of person do I want to become? What kind of person does God want me to become? (Preach My Gospel, pg. 115-126)

- What do I value? Why do I value these things? Are these things of lasting importance? Are these things in line with godly principles of righteous living that will lead to happiness and peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come? (Matt 6:33) Are these things in accordance to modern and personal revelations?

- How do I spend my money? Am I spending it on things that truly satisfy? (2 Nephi 9:51) Am I preparing/saving enough for a rainy day or emergencies?

- How do I spend my time? (Alma 34:32) Am I allocating my time in accordance to my values/priorities? (D&C 42:42)

I find I'm not comfortable with all my answers to these questions. Thank goodness the Lord knows I'm imperfect and is willing to work with my weaknesses. (Ether 12:27)

I'm entering a new chapter of my life as a graduate student, which comes with a schedule I've never had before - working full time (40 hours/week) while taking evening classes - and, frankly, I'm very scared. I was fortunate to have spent the bulk of my undergraduate studies as a full-time student, and only worked part time (20 hours/week) during the last year. I've been out of school for a year and I've gotten used to having alot of free time for recreation/exploration, exercise, volunteering, building friendships, improving my skills/talents, pondering/journaling...but now I have to shift a lot of that time to my studies.

Mind you, I'm not complaining about going back to school. I've wanted to go to grad school for years - planned for it, worked extremely hard towards it, prayed over it, sacrificed for it ... and I'm grateful the Lord has helped me every step of the way and is strongly supporting me still. But that doesn't mean I won't have to struggle a bit to do well in school and keep my life in balance. Nothing of great value is easy.

So, as I am wont to do, I got organized and started making lists and charts to help me stay focused on "things that matter most" (see President Uchtdorf's awesome talk).

At a recent Institute class, the teacher/speakers encouraged us to figure out what our priorities are and stick to them. I thought my list would be long, so I was surprised that it only ultimately came down to 4 things:

1) God
2) Health
3) Relationships
4) Education

After reviewing my Patriarchal Blessing, recent Priesthood Blessings, and praying about it, I fleshed it out into a "working priorities map" (for lack of a better title)

The main heading is my purpose in life. The top 3 priority categories are of primary importance; the last 2 are secondary but obviously still very important. The scriptures on the margins help remind me of what to do (Matthew 5:16), how to do it (2 Timothy 1:7), and the resulting blessings (Romans 8:28). The 4 items in the middle are simply chores that must be done in life to allow everything else to run smoothly.

I printed copies to tape on my wall at work and at home to help remind me to not waste time on things that aren't on that list, things that are "of no worth" and "cannot satisfy". This will not be easy! So I translated it into a schedule format to make it more practical (click on it to expand)

Please note that these are guidelines, and just because I didn't schedule studying, scriptures, or showering on the weekend doesn't mean I won't do it then haha. It's important to allow for flexibility & fun because the first part of the week is so rigid and I can't live like a regimented robot all the time!

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." (Mosiah 4:27)

Wish me luck, I've never done this before! But...Philippians 4:13 :)

The Kind of Relationships I Want

Last week was full of let downs. Humans are imperfect and bound to disappoint, offend, and otherwise hurt each other...despite our best intentions or efforts to prevent it.

I have a BLUE type personality on both The Color Code and True Colors, which means I'm most focused on people and relationships. Respect, communication, trust, and dependability are really important to me. That's why the series of broken plans and lack of responses last week - combined with the stresses of moving and minimal social interaction - left me feeling really low. I was tired of giving way more than I was receiving in relationships (of all kinds) and didn't know who I could count on anymore.

But that's not the point of this post, which ultimate purpose is to glorify God.

Thankfully, the week ended with a Fast Sunday. As I pondered about what I most needed, I decided to fast for God's help in maintaining and improving important relationships, and for the Spirit to help me discern which relationships are worth investing in. I wanted/needed this so much that I was determined to not break my fast even when I was feeling ill and needed to take medicine.

God honors sacrifices and answers prayers.

I don't know WHY I'm always surprised when the Lord answers the prayers I'm fasting for. Help thou mine unbelief! (Mark 9:24) Last month, I fasted for my housing situation to work out, and it did! I found 3 fabulous roommates. This month, the blessings were immediate.

Starting that very night, most of the people who disappointed me (that I was deciding to turn my back on) reached out to me through all avenues of communication with genuine love and concern, showing that they valued my friendship and didn't want it to fall by the wayside (using Biblical terms).

- M.P. Facebook-messaged me and asked how my weekend was, and we had a good chat catching up. I could tell he was really trying to follow up on his apology for dropping the ball on our plans.

- S.C. called me and left a long sincere voicemail apologizing that our plans didn't work out. He explained the circumstances that got in the way and offered to hang out in the last week before he leaves for school.

- S.D. texted me on Monday telling me he was back in town and asked me how I was, and was genuinely concerned that I'd had a rough week.

- T.G. emailed me (responding to my email thanking her for hanging out on Saturday) that she loved my DC blog and explicitly said that she really values my friendship.

- M.M. emailed me (responding) that she did want to go to the concert with me, invited me to another activity, and asked caring questions about my week.

- B.C. agreed to make plans for the following weekend and suggested getting together sometime during the week.

- My new roommates, a couple of old roommates, and old friends all offered love, empathy, and advice about a trial I am going through.

I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who exemplifies what the perfect relationship should be like. He listens attentively, He responds honestly and in a timely manner, He keeps promises unfailingly, He comforts compassionately, He counsels wisely, He chastises firmly but lovingly. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, who is the best friend we could ever have.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

I'm forever grateful and indebted to my Savior who died that we might "have life, and ... have it more abundantly." (John 10:10) And I'm grateful to those people who make my life so abundantly rich!

Introverted Extrovert or Extroverted Introvert?

Am I an introvert or extrovert? This simple question has been gnawing at me for the last few weeks. I have always been extremely interested in self-discovery, and not knowing how to describe myself in these terms is like an irrepressible itch.

Or maybe I'm an introverted extrovert, or extroverted introvert...Who the heck am I?!
(end of existential melodrama here)

Why am I so concerned about which end of the introvert/extrovert spectrum I'm on? I think it may have to do with the unprecedented comments on my extroversion people have been giving me since I moved to DC. I always thought I was an introvert, because my inner life (what's going on in my head) is often more active than my outer life (what's going on around me). An ex-boyfriend once remarked, "Your mind is always moving!" Isn't everybody's?

Although I have been working really hard to meet people and make friends - and getting more comfortable with it - I also have strong classic introverted tendencies (i.e. avoiding some social situations, over-analyzing things, and loving long stretches of alone time). So here are a few of the comments that shocked me:

-David called me a "party animal" (half jokingly, but really?)
-Sam asked how I was so "well-connected" (I thought he was the more well-connected one)
-Tara said "you're an introvert!?" with genuine surprise when I told her I'm innately an introvert (maybe)

I've taken many online tests, but I keep finding myself straddling both sides: (traits I have are bolded - you may agree/disagree)

Introverts:
Enjoy time alone
Consider only deep relationships as friends
Drained by outside activities, even if they're fun
Good listeners
Appear calm & self-contained
Think before speaking/acting
Interested in own mental life
Reserved
Analytical
Prefers one-on-one relationships
Independent
Creative thinker

Extroverts:
Like to be in the action
Relish variety
Considers lots of people friends
Enjoys chatting, even with strangers
Energized after activity
Speak/act, then think or while thinking
Enjoy human interactions
Enthusiastic
Talkative
Assertive
Gregarious
Bored when alone

How did this happen? All growing up, I was a thoroughbred introvert. I spent almost all my spare time alone reading, writing/journaling, drawing, watching TV/movies, and playing piano. The only sport I did was gymnastics, which is a very introverted sport. The place I went to the most often was the library. I spent alot of time learning about people, places, things, and myself. To this day, I am grateful for that intense period of self-discovery and self-creation.

And then around high school, I started getting more complicated (I know people change, but the WHY and HOW fascinate me). Honestly, my love of old movies and musicals changed my life. The singing and dancing done by the likes of Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ann Miller, and Judy Garland (just a few of my favorites) looked so irresistibly fun that I wanted to try it out for myself. I borrowed the musical scores of these old songs to play on the piano and borrowed the soundtracks to sing along to when no one was home.

One day, I went to check the mail and our neighbor commented that my singing was pretty good. At first, I was mortified that anyone had heard me (from across the street!) but then I was intrigued that they had complimented my singing. I'd never considered myself a singer but I decided to try out for Concert Choir in 11th grade with the goal of getting into the Jazz/Chamber Choir, which I did in 12th grade.

During our school talent show in 11th grade, a couple of students from a small local team performed a couple of ballroom dance numbers. I was absolutely captivated. It looked so fun and I thought, "I could do that." So I started asking around and found out there were 2 ballroom team members in choir. I never thought I'd consider myself a dancer but I begged my parents to let me join the Pacific Ballroom Dance Company (PBD) my senior year, and a new obsession was born. It turned out that the 2 ballroom guys, one of which I had a crush on, were Mormon and in the local ward. This made it easy for me to say yes when a Mormon girl on my gymnastics team invited me to Church in June 2005. Later, Steph told me I was such a "dry Mormon" (living the standards of the Church without being baptized) that she couldn't hold back anymore.

Looking back, I think my conversion to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints played the biggest role in helping me develop my extrovert side. I think I hadn't been as social and outgoing because I couldn't find very many friends I felt comfortable with, but I was instantly attracted to the warmth of the members and flurry of wholesome social activities at the local ward. I finally felt at home and accepted, though my parents' opposition towards my activity in the Church grew steadily. I got baptized on my 18th birthday, the earliest I could get baptized without parental permission.

My desire to be with LDS members with the same values and standards was a big reason I wanted to go to Brigham Young University (BYU). But honestly, the biggest driving force was the desire to continue to explore my potential in ballroom dance by going to the alma mater of all my dance teachers at PBD. BYU has, by far, the largest collegiate ballroom dance program in the world.

BYU is where I really opened up my extrovert side. I got on the Vocal Jazz Ensemble and Ballroom Dance Company and learned to really perform. I performed in every ward variety/talent show, including "BYU Idol" haha. I loved it. It gave me a natural high and made me feel more alive than anything else had. I miss it so much. (pics/videos are on Facebook)

At the same time, I was also trying hard to develop my leadership skills. I was very involved in high school extracurriculars but avoided all leadership opportunities, i.e. in student government. I went to college excited for a new start and ready to tackle my weaknesses. That's why I love new semesters, new wards, new apartments, new classes, new schools, new cities! Every beginning is an opportunity to reinvent myself into the kind of person I want to become. I joined the business school leadership organization, volunteered as a New Student Orientation leader and TA multiple times, became a camp counselor/mentor for various programs, and got to teach Sunday School several semesters. I discovered the inexplicable joy of helping someone improve at something and watching them progress. It was another kind of addiction. "Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve" - BYU's motto became ingrained in me. It was also at BYU where I developed my clear life goal/purpose: To inspire and assist others in reaching their goals and fulfilling their potential.

As the ratio of my introvert/extrovert sides have shifted through the years, I've seen it play out in my major/career choices. Before college, my career options included (I kid you not): paleontologist, dermatologist, dietician, aesthetician, aerobic instructor/personal trainer, caterer, writer, food critic, film/theatre critic...mostly introverted careers. As I became more comfortable and confident with people, my career options changed to: academic advisor, high school teacher, college professor, motivational speaker, and career counselor.

I didn't realize this until yesterday, but this dichotomy has even played out in my blog life! This blog is my introverted blog (thoughts & feelings, almost no pictures), which I first created in 2009 and was defunct for a while. When I moved to DC in 2012, I [subconsciously] had to create another blog to express my extroverted side (activities & adventures, tons of pictures). The DC blog is probably what you see more of because it's more eye-catching and I update it more often. But as I've given myself to my extroverted side, I felt the need to revive my introverted blog to achieve better equilibrium. I also have a private online journal and daily handwritten gratitude journal, plus scores of various notes/notebooks all over the place. My introverted side is full and active beneath the surface.

How funny that the fact that I'm spending so much time and energy trying to figure this out is extremely introverted (introverts love having ideas/thoughts/questions to work through in their heads), but I decided to solve it in a very extroverted way (also subconsciously) by polling my friends. I've been doing these kinds of mass surveys about every 1-2 years since 8th grade. It's a method I've developed for self-improvement. I would ask everyone I know to describe me in 3-5 words. I was not fishing for compliments; I encouraged them to be completely honest. The results are always really interesting. I am not a people pleaser but I want to make sure that who I seem to others matches who I am and who I want to become.

The most powerful experience I've had with this method came early on. Many people I polled described me as "aloof", "quiet", "reserved", and "shy" - typical introvert descriptions. I HATED being seen that way. To me, those words mean "unapproachable", "unlikable", "unfriendly", and "boring" (apparently, I had the wrong idea of what an Introvert is - "10 Myths About Introverts" was very validating). I worked really hard to not only eliminate those traits in my public image, but in my personality. It's really interesting to look back on those lists of personality goals, like the one I posted in 2008: "Self-searching questions".

Anyhow, with this particular self-assessment poll, I had a hypothesis to prove to myself - that I am a natural introvert who has trained herself to be an extrovert. 55 people responded (thank you!). I surveyed friends who have known me for more than 14 years to less than 14 days. Here are the fascinating responses:

Introvert: 5
Extrovert: 33
Both: 17

Most people seemed really conflicted, but the vast majority thought I leaned towards extroversion! Had I really trained myself so well that I could "fool" over half of my friends?! Or had I truly transformed into an extrovert with strong introvert tendecies, like many of these friends said?

At this point, the voices of 2 friends pop into my head:

Kyle - (paraphrased) Linda, people change all the time. Trying to squeeze people into strict categories is like denying their dynamic, unique, and complex humanity...as well as your own. (Kyle, feel free to correct me haha)

Sam - "Are you wanting to be more extraverted? I don't think it's only extroverts who are always socially comfortable" (after I explained that I wanted to have social ease as President Hinckley advised, and be comfortable in any situation)

So maybe it's not life-threatening if I can't affix a definitive "introvert"/"extrovert" label to myself. I just want to be well-rounded and happy! Although we live in a world that seems to favor and reward extroverts, neither is better than the other in God's eyes. All He asks of us is perfection!

"Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matt 5:48)

Perfect (adj): being entirely without fault or defect, satisfying all requirements, lacking in no essential detail...

Like almost everything, there are good and bad sides to being an introvert or extrovert. It would only make sense that God has all the good and none of the bad of both personality types. I think it's wonderful that the Church helps us in this regard. We are encouraged to have healthy inner lives by praying, studying, journaling, and pondering. At the same time, there are all kinds of programs and activities to encourage us to have healthy outer lives by fellowshipping, teaching, learning from, serving, having fun with, and dating each other.

Continuing with this perspective, even the 2 greatest commandments seem to encourage us to balance out our introvert/extrovert sides:

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt alove thy neighbour as thyself." (Matt 22:37-39)

I'm pretty sure that if I follow both of these commandments, God will not care if I'm an introvert or extrovert. And ultimately, His opinion is the only one that matters.

A Consumer's Report

A recent experience really struck me...Since moving to DC, I've been searching for the most convenient and affordable way to buy my groceries. One day after work, I decided to get off one Metro stop early to shop at Costco. Taking the shortcut through a mall, I was completely unprepared for the wave of temptation that inundated me. Just viewing the merchandise through the windows, my mind started forming thoughts like "ooh I don't have one in that color" or "those are trendy right now, maybe I should get one". I had to exert alot of mental effort just to keep walking on the straight and narrow path to the exit towards Costco. It's not that I've never walked through a mall, it's just that I've never had such buying power before.

It's incredible how different this summer has been from last summer, especially economically.

Summer 2011 It was an extremely grueling summer of job searching that pushed my faith to its limits as I accepted jobs that barely covered living expenses, much less help me save for grad school. I lived paycheck to paycheck, paid tithing, and took advantage of any free food I came upon (usually from church or school activities). I had to forego numerous social activities and cut out little luxuries like eating out because I know God would not trust me with more money if I was reckless with what I had. Add to that the stress of not knowing my exact career path or how I would pay for grad school without going into debt. My Mom strongly encouraged me to move home (WA state) until I figured my life out but I was determined to pass this trial of faith on my own.

Summer 2012 I've got a variety of job experience under my belt, and am on my way towards a career in Higher Education, where I can achieve my life purpose to inspire and assist others in reaching their goals and fulfilling their potential. Through many miracles, I've been accepted to my first choice graduate school and have a job with benefits that will allow me to graduate without debt. As a single healthy adult without a mortgage, car payment, or debt of any kind, I suddenly found myself with hundreds of dollars in discretionary money each month.

I am hardly explaining all of this to boast (Like Alma, I boast of my God! Alma 26:11-12) but to marvel that God had to see what I would do with very little means (like many college students, I was living below poverty level) before He would bless me with more. And you know what I found? Having too much money is just as hard, if not harder, than having too little money.

I don't mean I'd rather starve, but more money means more choices - distinguishing between needs, nice-to-haves, and extravagant luxuries. I no longer have to confine my purchases to bare necessities, but I try really hard to control my material indulgences. Like many people, I like nice things. But I have to constantly make sure that I don't own so many things or such fancy things that they end up owning me. I'm not gonna live a monk's life, but I'm don't want to get into the habit of spending money just because I have it, or own more shoes/clothes than I can wear.

Brigham Young said “The worst fear I have about this people is that they will get rich in this country, forget God and His people, wax fat, and kick themselves out of the Church...my greatest fear is that they cannot stand wealth.”

Money itself is not evil; it's an amoral medium of exchange. It's not like I'm going to avoid wealth; you can do alot of good with alot of money. I really admire people like John D. Rockefeller, Andrew Carnegie, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet - who became rich and poured (and are pouring) millions and billions of dollars into philanthropy. Our country and world has benefited greatly from their generosity. It's the love of money that causes our downfall.

Jesus taught, "How hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God!" (Mark 10:24)

There is beautiful truth in Matt 6:21 - "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." When I start thinking too materialistically, I have to remind myself that the only things that are irreplaceable are my scriptures (w/ its notes and memories), pictures, and journals. A wise man once said something like - the things we can buy with money are not of this world, eternal things cannot be bought with money.

As with most phenomena, history helps explain American Consumerism...

During the 1930s and WWII, most Americans had to scrimp and go without. But after the war boosted the economy, people were excited to have the means to CONSUME things again (encouraged by public policy like the GI Bill and low mortgage rates) - from houses to cars to appliances to voluminous skirts (textiles were no longer rationed). It became the job of a good citizen to buy buy buy and support the economy. After all, creating a market for consumer goods creates more jobs, which helps support the millions of families during the Baby Boom. See this great article.

Another fascinating explanation of our Consumerism culture comes from a recent article called "10 Ways Walmart Changed the World". No joke. The part that struck me the most was how Walmart made things so inexpensive that they became disposable and we are no longer motivated to take good care of our things because it'd be easier to throw it away and buy another one. And with technology things like phones/cameras/computers/TVs/etc., we know the next model is just a few months away.

There is an environmental price to all of this, as institutions like National Geographic point out. Futuristic movies/TV shows/books predict a world of garbage - either clogging up our waterways, piling higher than skyscrapers, or projected into space and blocking the sun. This is a gloomy picture. Reduce, reuse, recycle!

So what are we to do? What am I to do? I don't proclaim to hold any radical global solutions, but I know the answer to all things can be found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And my questions are these -

*How do I find peace in this world of monumental temptations?
*How much of my money can I use to treat myself and how much should I save?
*How much money besides tithing and fast offerings should I donate to the poor and needy? (this is the hardest one, which I have already sought to answer in another blog post)

This life is a test, and I think money is one of God's tools to test us. Just like He has given us stewardship over the earth, our families, our callings, our time, our bodies, and sacred knowledge...God has given us stewardship over money. In all of these stewardships, He has lovingly given us instructions on how to handle them to our fullest happiness through the scriptures, modern prophets, and personal revelation. God has promised us that "he that is a faithful and wise steward shall inherit all things." (D&C 78:22)

Growing up, my wise mother (who is not LDS) taught me 2 things worth investing in that aligns with what the scriptures teaches: knowledge and health.

Knowledge is the only thing that cannot be taken away from us. We can be stripped of all our earthly possessions but no one can rob us of what we put into our minds. And indeed, this principle is even more beautiful when applied to spiritual knowledge - "Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come." (D&C 130:18-19)

Health is crucial to our success in all other areas of life, for we cannot do anything if our bodies cannot carry them out. This doesn't preclude people with disabilities or handicaps from success and happiness; health is relative to our individual optimal levels of well-being. Sleeping enough, eating nutritiously, drinking enough water, exercising regularly, and such are largely within our control. Preventing injuries and illnesses allow us to exercise our agency to a greater extent (unto righteousness). As prophets and apostles like to remind us, our bodies are precious gifts from God - "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are." (1 Cor 3:16-17)

So what do I do with my money? The Church gives no strict specific rules on finances (besides the commandment to pay tithing and fast offering - we can't afford NOT to do) but principles to apply to our individual circumstances:

- Keep a budget (I'll get better at this once I regulate my DC cost of living)
- Avoid debt
- Save for emergencies (Emptied my savings to move to DC, now saving for grad school. I'm excited for the day when I can just SAVE.)
- Teach others good financial management

To these, I'll add my own principles:

* Define my life by experiences and relationships, not the things I own
* "Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy." (2 Nephi 9:51)
* Invest in things that last
* Never come close to the description in Isaiah 3:16-24

The world would have us believe that we should "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us." (2 Nephi 28:7) This is a lie.

I want to live in a way that when I die and meet my Maker, He will say to me, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." (Matt 25:21)

What are your thoughts on the use of finances?

Signs of the Times

(With all the environmental, social, moral, and political calamity going on in full gear in these latter days, I've been thinking alot about the Second Coming. Chapter 24 of Matthew has never been so compelling or alarming.)

1 And Jesus went out, and departed from the temple: and his disciples came to him for to shew him the buildings of the temple.
2 And Jesus said unto them, See ye not all these things? verily I say unto you, There shall not be left here one stone upon another, that shall not be thrown down.
3 And as he sat upon the mount of Olives, the disciples came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?
4 And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
5 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
6 And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.

It’s hard to think of “wars and rumours of wars” as comforting.

7 For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.

Ahem, North Korea and their blatant nuclear missile flaunting! With the unusually warm winter we just had and hot hot summer, I’m afraid our crops will dry up and create a shortage. Having done some research for my job in the Medical School, I am amazed by all the ways humans can get sick and die, and the BILLIONS of dollars spent on trying to cure and heal us. Seismologists say the number of earthquakes has definitely increased in the last few years! In “divers places”!

8 All these are the beginning of sorrows.

YIKES

9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake.

(this is referring to the disciples, pretty sure)

10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.

Corrupted politicians come to mind.

11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.

This reminds me of priests who sexually abuse their vulnerable parishioners. Sickens me to the heart.

12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

This is so true – adultery/fornication, abandonment, divorce, betrayal, violence, abuse

13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.
14 And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.

There are still a handful of countries that haven’t been “preached” to by LDS missionaries, so it’ll probably be at least a few years before the Second Coming. Just guessing...

15 When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)

Grateful that the Church teaches us that the 3 holiest places on earth are: 1) the temple, 2) the home, and 3) church.

16 Then let them which be in Judæa flee into the mountains:
17 Let him which is on the housetop not come down to take any thing out of his house:

This is why it’s important to “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal” (Matt 6:20) because we need to be able to leave all our earthly possessions immediately if needed.

18 Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes.
19 And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!
20 But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, neither on the sabbath day:
21 For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.

Unimaginable.

22 And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect’s sake those days shall be shortened.

God is merciful.

23 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not.
24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

So grateful for a single prophet/president of the Church, and direct line of succession and authority.

25 Behold, I have told you before.
26 Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not.
27 For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
28 For wheresoever the carcase is, there will the eagles be gathered together.
29 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:

What does that last part mean?!

30 And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.

The painting of the Second Coming with Christ surrounded by angels blowing trumpets (a favorite) comes to mind. The righteous will be joyous at His coming.

31 And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.
32 Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh:
33 So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors.
34 Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.
35 Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.
36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

We can only guess and try to prepare.

37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
40 Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
41 Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

1 out of 2? Those are pretty scary odds…

42 Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.
43 But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up.
44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.

I think the only way we can be ready is to keep our covenants, especially the Sacrament. We renew it each week – repenting, remembering Christ, and promising to obey His commandments. Although, I’m sure, a 72 hour kit can’t hurt.

45 Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his lord hath made ruler over his household, to give them meat in due season?
46 Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing.
47 Verily I say unto you, That he shall make him ruler over all his goods.
If we are “faithful over a few things”, God will make us “ruler over many things” (Matt 25:21).
48 But and if that evil servant shall say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming;
49 And shall begin to smite his fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken;
50 The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of,
51 And shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

"Hitch" - Be Yourself, and Be Like Jesus

After years of hearing people quote Hitch and then second-handedly misquoting it, I finally watched it for myself.

I only did because I was more motivated to participate in one of DC's most endearing summer traditions...outdoor movies! This was actually our Family Home Evening (FHE) activity for the week, advertised as "professional dating advice" by our FHE parents because (apparently) we YSAs (young SINGLE adults) need it.

Super concise synopsis: Will Smith plays a very successful "date doctor" who finds out that his own principles/techniques in dating are not working for himself and that one of his most seemingly needy clients did not need any of his advice to win the girl of his dreams.

I really liked the moral of this story - be yourself and adapt to each situation and person instead of sticking to a set of hard rules. Maybe it's because I tend to over-rely on principles of human behavior (because, like Hitch, they have almost always worked for me in the past). But as my friend, Kyle, has helped me understand, each human being is too deeply complex and ever-changing to pin down to any category or generalization.

Before I became educated on the rules of the dating game, I got really burned. Instead of letting guys do nice things like carry things for me, I'd insist on lugging it myself to prove that I was physically fit and independent. Instead of waiting patiently for a guy to make a move, I'd take the initiative on phone calls and making plans. (Guys, don't tell me you don't like the chase) So I did some reading and set some parameters for myself, which I've followed more or less. It has helped me date some great guys and develop wonderful relationships, but my last name is still Flores. Ha!

I know I know, alot of it is timing and the agency of others. The Lord's timing is always better than mine and I'm willing to wait for my Prince Charming, the guy who will see and appreciate me for all that I am. But watching Hitch has made me think about what I could do about my part in this whole process.

The movie closes with a humbled Hitch saying: "Basic principles...there are none."

MMmm pretty sure there ARE some basic principles, but they are too obvious to count -

- Don't date anyone you feel physically threatened by
- Don't date someone just for their money
- Relationships are two-way streets. Don't always wait to be acted upon, and don't always be the one initiating
- Don't date anyone who disrespects or condescends you
- etc.

I guess the biggest lesson I learned from this movie is to Be Myself, and I'm really trying to be the best daughter of God I can be. Allegra Cole (the beautiful heiress) found all of Albert Brennaman's (Hitch's awkward client) idiosyncracies "adorable", the same quirks that Hitch tried to beat out of him.

It turned out that the exact same habits and behaviors that Hitch told him NOT to do were the exact things that made Allegra love him. Too good to be true, right? But there's some truth in it.

Allow me to quote D&C 88:40, one of my favorite dating scripture verses:

"For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own..."

Brother Bott, BYU's most popular Missionary Preparation teacher, spoke repeatedly and adamantly about the truth of this scripture in my class last summer. He also quoted President David O. McKay, who said that we each radiate various degrees of light (I'm paraphrasing). And since the scriptures say likes attract (contrary to the world's adage that "opposites attract"), it's just a matter of time before we attract the kind of person that we are. Thus, the motivation to be the kind of person we want to marry.

Following the prophets' counsel to interpret scriptures for ourselves but avoiding all heretical intentions, I'd like to think that goofiness cleaveth unto goofiness; openness receiveth openness; giddiness embraceth giddiness; ambition loveth ambition, optimism cleaveth unto optimism...or something like that. I've got plenty of idiosyncracies of my own. It's a miracle that two people's quirks can match up enough that they'll commit to each other for all of eternity. But that's the kind of marriage I want, in which case I should be myself, but mostly strive to be like Jesus.

3 Nephi 12:48 "Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect."

He was the personification of charity, which is perfect love, the only kind of love that an eternal marriage can be built on.

"Good Hair" - Enraging & Irrational Beauty Standards

Look what I found at the GW library this week!



Once upon a time (about 1 year ago), I was gun-ho on applying to a Ph.D. program in American Studies or African American Studies in order to be a professor. My dream class to teach is African American music within mainstream American culture. Yup.

Anyhow, Ph.D. programs require a 15-20 page writing sample. The longest paper I wrote at BYU did not exceed 12 pages so I was planning to start a research paper on my own after graduation - not easy. After much consultation and deliberation, I decided there was enough research and I had enough passion to write about Black Women and Body Image, especially in regards to colorism. Good Hair was one of the top resources I wanted to use. My education/career goals have changed (that's a whole other story), but watching this re-sparks my scholarly ambitions :)

Here's the synopsis: Chris Rock's 2 little daughters asked him why they didn't have "good hair", which sent him on a quest to understand black women's issues and relationship with their hair. It was fascinating and shocking. This is what I learned...

Black women are extremely pressured by media and celebrities to have straight shiny hair to look like white people's hair. They will do almost anything to have it. There is a huge annual hair show organized by a major black hair company to show people how to use their new products. Applying relaxer (aka sodium hydroxide, a very erosive chemical that can disintegrate metal and cause baldness) in order to help straighten hair is like a rite of passage for black girls (who start doing it as young as 3) and relaxer is the most important hair product for black people, including men. But the biggest moneymaker in the black hair industry - which happens to be a multimillion industry owned largely by whites and Asians - is weaves.

Weaves are extremely expensive (starting at $1,000 for a headful) hair extensions that are braided/tied/glued to the real hair on their head. Almost all of this hair comes from India (its biggest export. WOW.), where a majority of the women grow out their hair and shave it off to donate it ("god likes hair") as part of a solemn religious ceremony. Hair business men come pick it up, clean/process it, and sell it to hair dealers in America, who then sell it to other vendors. Some black women are willing to go to extremes to get weaves (they call it "creamy crack", because once you have one, you won't go back) - pay it through layaway, pay it before paying rent, get their men to pay it, etc.

As one black man in the documentary said, "When our hair is relaxed, white people are relaxed. When our hair is nappy, they ain't happy."

What's up with that?! What's wrong with cornrows, braids, and afros? I think they're beautiful.

I have never watched any of Chris Rock's material but he is absolutely great in this documentary - respectful, intelligent, inquisitive, nonjudgmental, and of course, hilarious. He is shocked at the kind of effort and money black women are willing to put into having "good hair", i.e. hair that looks more white. So was I. My jaw was down to my lap much of the time.

I have taken my hair for granted most of my life. I've always been low-maintenance with my hair, both because I am not good with hair (I didn't learn how to curl my own hair til the middle of college, and ballroom hair still trips me up) and because I don't want to be high maintenance with my hair. People would tell me they're jealous of my hair because it's so naturally straight (I would complain that it doesn't stay curled) and shiny (I would complain about my "frizzies", aka flyaways). But my gratitude for the ease of my hair care was quickly replaced by frustration and outrage...

WHY are women always wanting something they don't have and that isn't natural?

*White women want to be tan (like Latinas??)
*Asian women want to be white (porcelain skin) and have big eyes (some use eyelid tape to get the effect)
*Black women want straight "white hair" (although their weaves are made of Southeast Asian hair...)

Who came up with these beauty standards anyway?! Our eyes (men's too) have been trained to expect and desire certain looks.

There's a difference between changing your appearance to try out a different look for fun, and changing your looks because you feel ugly and unaccepted if you don't.

Girls are jealous of my tan skin and straight black hair because I'm in America. If I were in China, my darker skin would be seen as less desirable (my Mom was called the "black rose" when she was younger because people thought she had nice features but was too dark). And have you seen Asian girls trying to bleach their hair blonde but most of them can only get it to a bronze/caramel color?

White girls - girls in Asia spend hundreds of dollars on skin bleaching concoctions (including bird poop) to get skin that you call "pasty", while girls in America spend hours and hours tanning (in the sun or spraying it on). I know skin bleaching cream for blacks have also been marketed for decades. All of these methods are financially costly and/or damaging to our health (melanoma! self-induced vitiligo!). Why have we allowed our beauty standards to run amuk?! Can't we all just try to be beautiful healthily and naturally?

What also shocked and disheartened me was the weave industry, mostly on the India side. Millions of Indian women devotedly shave off 14" or more of their beautiful hair as a religious sacrifice because they truly believe it pleases god and having long hair is seen as vain. Ha! If they only knew what was being done with their hair in America!

I don't really blame black women because there are some major pressures to have straight hair. How "good" their hair is can affect not only their self-image, but also their professional image and love lives. From the little research I was able to do on colorism (featured in this heartbreaking documentary I need to watch: "Dark Girls"), I know that black girls also get judged harshly by each other based on how white they look. It is being rubbed into their faces in magazines, movies, TV shows, music videos, and on the street.

What is the redeeming aspect of this documentary? Chris Rock. He concludes with the response he decides to give to his daughters' question - (inspired by MLK?) "What's on top of your head is not as important as what's in your head." What a great answer! He seems like a great father, plus he's been married to his wife since 1996. Go Chris! It seems his girls might have a fighting chance in this vicious world of irrational beauty standards.

"Think Like a Man" - Men Really Do Want Marriage!

So last weekend, I got to see the movie I've been looking forward to for a couple months (I don't watch alot of new movies in theatres) - "Think Like a Man". Believe it or not, I read the book featured in the movie. It was a fascinating random find in a grocery store so I actually bought it (I don't buy many books either. I either borrow it from the library or order it on Amazon).

I got some friends to come with me who hadn't read the book but I was sure it would be a funny movie that could be enjoyed by almost anyone.

Brief synopsis: 4 ladies are frustrated with their single status and 4 men are content with their non-committed sex lives. A new book comes out called Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man that is very publicized and quickly becomes a bestseller. The ladies all read it and try to follow the advice (i.e. increase standards, ask about his goals, make him wait for "the cookie"). The men become frustrated and confused at their tactics until they discover the book one day and are outraged, so they use the ladies' tactics against them.

It was funny, but as my friend said, "It was funny when it shouldn't have been." I understood what she meant because they movie was filled with alot more profanity and blatant sexual references than I'd ever seen in a romantic comedy. Traditionally, this isn't the kind of movie I would watch, but I found the cultural study opportunity irresistible (in my defense, it was not rated R, but PG-13. I have come to the sad realization that movie ratings can no longer adequately protect/warn you from cinematic offenses to the moral conscience).

After watching this movie, I also realized what a huge effect my American Studies major had on me. I love the humanities (arts, cultures, music, languages, peoples, foods...just the DIVERSITY of human life) and graduated from the College of Humanities at BYU. Any degree from such a college trains you to analyze, study, and question human creations. I've been to dozens of concerts and movies and read dozens of books while taking notes to write papers on. Even when I didn't have to write about them, I found myself naturally analyzing the meaning behind the content, wondering about the author's intent and background, and pondering the larger cultural implications being made. My B.A. has magnified my naturally pensive nature into one of incessant thoughts that must be expressed through word or pen...

Anyhow, back to the movie. I could tell my friends (who were all also LDS) were uncomfortable watching the movie but they were politely hesitant to say so. I didn't know how I felt after the movie but I've decided that I don't regret it. It was a fascinating look into the immoral and realistic mindset of our modern sex-driven young society at large. As one of the characters said, "All I wanted was sex without a relationship, but all I got was a relationship without sex!" Unfortunately, this is the common mindset today.

HOWEVER, I am grateful for the way it ended (spoiler alert, albeit a very obvious one!). Once the ladies find out their men have been manipulating them, they dump them. The men's freedom is shortlived, abruptly ended when their sole married friend happily goes home to cook dinner. The men come to realize that their one-night stands, in fact, do NOT bring fulfillment and the truest happiness means committing to and providing for the woman you love. Without this clear redeeming support of traditional monogamous heterosexual marriage, I think I would have just been disgusted.

There ARE nuggets of truth and goodness out there in this tainted world. It just takes some digging to find.