Humbled While Healing

I've been sick, on and off, for almost a month. I've gotten two Priesthood Blessings but have not healed yet even though the the Blessings said I would. It occurred to me this week that there must be a bigger lesson to this sickness...

As a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at the age of 18 (though I found the Church 14 months prior) and the only LDS member in my family, I didn't have access to Priesthood holders, much less know what/who they were. I learned to be extremely independent and resilient. Once I learned what a Priesthood Blessing was, I saw it as an absolute last resort that implied weakness. I only got 1-2 Blessings a year, and it was only when I was at my breaking point and friends repeatedly suggested it. Each time was an extremely humbling experience, and I often ended up in [grateful] tears. My earlier Blessings almost always said to ask for help, lean upon the Lord, accept the service of others...basically stop trying to do everything on my own!

As my conversion has deepened and I've learned more about my Savior Jesus Christ, my approach to Priesthood Blessings has evolved. I'm more willing to turn to my Heavenly Father and admit my vulnerability. I've become completely at peace with the fact that the natural man is weak, imperfect, and easily tempted. I've learned that Lord is constantly reaching out to us and eager to help us succeed in this earthly probation. As I've come to better understand sacred covenants, I've become more eager to obey the instructions in my Blessings in order to do my part. After hearing talks like Richard G. Scott's "To Acquire Spiritual Guidance" and "How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life", I've been more diligent in recording as much of the Blessing as I can remember afterwards as a resource of comfort, inspiration, and guidance.

This past year has been full of more risks and trials than I've ever experienced in my young life, and I've sought Priesthood Blessings at each major event - personal heartaches, moving to DC, starting grad school, my long sickness...maybe I was becoming too dependent on Priesthood Blessings?

I have applied all the usual remedies of sleep, lots of fluids, vitamin C, soup, rest...until I became so restless I wanted to run a marathon (figure of speech - I detest running). My blessings have said this period is a chance to appreciate the health I do have because there is opposition in all things (2 Nephi 2:11) and I should seek medical attention, but to have peace because I will be able to go back to doing the things I need to do.

Now, I admit this was somewhat frustrating to me. I'm doing everything in my power to allow my body to recover and I have the faith to be healed by Priesthood Blessings...so why am I not getting any better? Why do I have to go seek medical attention? Why can't the Lord just heal me like He has in the past and save me the time/money that could be better spent on studying/food/dancing?? The Lord was probably shaking His head and laughing at silly little immature me; He had to send intervention.

Enter home teachers Eric and Jason last Sunday - faithful young men magnifying their Priesthood duties. I was so tempted to ask for a 3rd Priesthood Blessing but the Spirit stopped me. I expressed my frustration at not healing and Jason said (paraphrased) the prophets do say that we should utilize the expertise/services of medical professionals, since that is a blessing the Lord has given us in these days. Inwardly and grudgingly, I had to agree.

I went to work the next day and tried to be obedient to my Blessing by making a doctor appointment. Because I'm a new patient in the DC area, the earliest they could fit me in was November 1st - 6 weeks away, which is pretty useless. My boss (it helps that I work in a medical school since I really don't know that much about healthcare) suggested that I see an Urgent Care doctor, which is cheaper than going to the emergency room. I researched my options and found a clinic nearby that takes walk-in patients and asked my visiting teacher (love the programs of the Church), Kat , to drive me there on Wednesday.

On the Metro ride home, I came across a quote in an article that doesn't even apply to me in this month's Ensign magazine:

"Latter-day Saints believe in applying the best available scientific knowledge and techniques...We enlist the help of healing practitioners, such as physicians and surgeons, to restore health."

It couldn't get clearer than that. There was my lesson.

That was yesterday. Today, I listened to the source of the quote - Dallin H. Oaks' talk "Healing the Sick" from the Priesthood session of the April 2010 General Conference. Elder Oaks explained that Priesthood Blessings of healing depend largely on the faith of the recipient but ultimately on the will of God, and that it is a principle of the gospel that God helps those who help themselves. It was finally making sense. God does want me to lean on Him, but learn to be resourceful and self-sufficient as well.

"Let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." (D&C 123:17)

I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow. I'm looking forward to recovering to full health.

Prioritizing "Things that Matter Most"

(This post is based on the principles & counsel found in 2 talks: "Of Things That Matter Most" and "Good, Better, Best")

Lately, I've been doing alot of self-assessment...

- Who am I? Do I like who I am? What kind of person do I want to become? What kind of person does God want me to become? (Preach My Gospel, pg. 115-126)

- What do I value? Why do I value these things? Are these things of lasting importance? Are these things in line with godly principles of righteous living that will lead to happiness and peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come? (Matt 6:33) Are these things in accordance to modern and personal revelations?

- How do I spend my money? Am I spending it on things that truly satisfy? (2 Nephi 9:51) Am I preparing/saving enough for a rainy day or emergencies?

- How do I spend my time? (Alma 34:32) Am I allocating my time in accordance to my values/priorities? (D&C 42:42)

I find I'm not comfortable with all my answers to these questions. Thank goodness the Lord knows I'm imperfect and is willing to work with my weaknesses. (Ether 12:27)

I'm entering a new chapter of my life as a graduate student, which comes with a schedule I've never had before - working full time (40 hours/week) while taking evening classes - and, frankly, I'm very scared. I was fortunate to have spent the bulk of my undergraduate studies as a full-time student, and only worked part time (20 hours/week) during the last year. I've been out of school for a year and I've gotten used to having alot of free time for recreation/exploration, exercise, volunteering, building friendships, improving my skills/talents, pondering/journaling...but now I have to shift a lot of that time to my studies.

Mind you, I'm not complaining about going back to school. I've wanted to go to grad school for years - planned for it, worked extremely hard towards it, prayed over it, sacrificed for it ... and I'm grateful the Lord has helped me every step of the way and is strongly supporting me still. But that doesn't mean I won't have to struggle a bit to do well in school and keep my life in balance. Nothing of great value is easy.

So, as I am wont to do, I got organized and started making lists and charts to help me stay focused on "things that matter most" (see President Uchtdorf's awesome talk).

At a recent Institute class, the teacher/speakers encouraged us to figure out what our priorities are and stick to them. I thought my list would be long, so I was surprised that it only ultimately came down to 4 things:

1) God
2) Health
3) Relationships
4) Education

After reviewing my Patriarchal Blessing, recent Priesthood Blessings, and praying about it, I fleshed it out into a "working priorities map" (for lack of a better title)

The main heading is my purpose in life. The top 3 priority categories are of primary importance; the last 2 are secondary but obviously still very important. The scriptures on the margins help remind me of what to do (Matthew 5:16), how to do it (2 Timothy 1:7), and the resulting blessings (Romans 8:28). The 4 items in the middle are simply chores that must be done in life to allow everything else to run smoothly.

I printed copies to tape on my wall at work and at home to help remind me to not waste time on things that aren't on that list, things that are "of no worth" and "cannot satisfy". This will not be easy! So I translated it into a schedule format to make it more practical (click on it to expand)

Please note that these are guidelines, and just because I didn't schedule studying, scriptures, or showering on the weekend doesn't mean I won't do it then haha. It's important to allow for flexibility & fun because the first part of the week is so rigid and I can't live like a regimented robot all the time!

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." (Mosiah 4:27)

Wish me luck, I've never done this before! But...Philippians 4:13 :)