Recapturing Beauty Essay Contest
February 27, 2011
Almost all girls go through an awkward insecure stage during adolescence when they are trying to figure out who they are and establish a healthy relationship with themselves. I was no different. I feel very blessed that after going through crucial points in my life and learning from them, I have come to capture my own beauty.
I didn’t really realize I looked different from other people until my makeup phase in junior high led me to check out makeup books from the library and practice the techniques on myself. I was disappointed and confused about why I wasn’t able to recreate the same looks on my almond-shaped eyes. I was born in China but moved to the ethnically and racially diverse area of Seattle when I was eight years old. I was generally not treated as lesser or different there, so I did not notice that I looked different. But my experimentation with makeup made me fully aware that I would never look like the gorgeous models on the glossy pages.
Despite this letdown, I was lucky to have found a useful and inspiring quote in one of the makeup books. The first chapter of Bobbi Brown Beauty Evolution: A Guide to a Lifetime of Beauty had quotes from women of different ethnicities and ages about their definitions of beauty. The thought that stood out the most to me was (paraphrased) “Beauty is feeling good without looking in the mirror.” I thought that was so profound because most girls and women judge their beauty and base their level of confidence on their reflection, but this woman was saying that it’s more about a good feeling that radiates from the inside out. This probably was a cause of my next phase of fitness and nutrition.
Also during junior high, I began exercising rigorously and frequently, which helped me feel great about my body. I did gymnastics in school and became grateful for all the graceful things my strong and healthy body could do. Later on in high school, I took up choir and ballroom dancing, which made me even healthier and happier. It also helped that relatives and family friends would remark to my mom about her “pretty daughter”. I didn’t fully believe it but it minimized my insecurities about my looks. I also excelled at piano and got good grades, which benefited my sense of self-competence. As I worked on improving myself, I grew to like myself more even though I wasn’t as pretty as the other girls in my school.
As I continued on to my old movie phase, I came across another influential message about beauty. Bette Davis in Mr. Skeffington said, “A woman is beautiful when she is loved.” On some levels, I find this quote extremely disturbing, implying that a woman’s level of attraction depends on others’ approval or affection. But on another level, it can encourage a woman to develop positive attributes like kindness, selflessness, and cheerfulness that will endear her to others and give her that warmth of being wanted and needed. When I started dating in college, I felt a new kind of beauty from the way my boyfriends looked at me. Some of them frequently told me I was beautiful and looked into my eyes with such tenderness that I felt like they could really see me for who I was and who I was trying to become. It was then that I felt the truth of Bette Davis’ quote; surrounding ourselves with people who love us can help us see our own beauty better.
I was baptized into the LDS Church on my 18th birthday, a few days before I left for my freshman year at BYU. Two months later, I was thrilled to receive my Patriarchal Blessing. In it, I was surprised to see the word “beautiful” mentioned 9 times. I felt especially touched that the Lord knew my beauty insecurities and specifically told me how beautiful I was, how much more beautiful I would become, and even how to be beautiful – by being cultured and enjoying the works of good men and women. It is astonishing how well the Lord knows us for I found this counsel to be true. I feel my senses awaken and my spirit enlivened after attending a concert of well-performed music, reading an eloquent piece of prose, dancing with a good partner to uplifting songs, and enjoying other cultured activities. As I have followed His counsel, I have felt beautiful without looking in the mirror. And over time, I have learned to apply makeup to accentuate my own unique features, and not judge myself by others’ standard of beauty.
